True Confessions of a Catholic Housewife

This blog is more a sort of internet based personal diary than something I hope many people read. And I've started it because I would like an outlet for this slightly unusual, un-politically correct side of me that has emerged over the past year or two.

At my age, most people (and I use this phrase loosely as I know people enter into all walks of life at all ages) are busying themselves establishing a career, perhaps finding a flat or house to rent by themselves or maybe still sharing a living space with a group of friends. They will probably be keen to go out of an evening...to restaurants, pubs, the theatre, maybe a nice swanky bar.

I know. I was doing it until recently. I would eat out in upmarket gastro pubs a few times a week, spend evenings mulling over a lovely dinner with lots of red wine and good friends. I spent my days at the office, negotiating with tricky colleagues and even trickier office politics.

I wasn't a high-flyer, nor did I have a huge salary. But I had more than enough for my rent and bills and I was able to use the rest to plan nice city breaks with friends and go to the local bakery and delicatessan for croissant and coffee on Saturday mornings.

That was the norm. It was my norm.

But another side of life began to emerge. Another quiet, more domesticated version of me bubbled underneath. Slowly at first, but over time it gained vigour and momentum.

I started to bake my own bread and experiment with re-creating dishes I had eaten in restaurants and other countries.

I got my own sewing machine and I spent a very happy weekend learning how to handstitch a cushion cover.

I became obsessed with interior design books, books about gardens, recipe books and anything written about domesticity and the home.

I tried my hand at making cakes and scones and biscuits. I made my own ice-cream.

I bought fresh flowers and read up on flower arranging.

I began to stay in more and more. I lived with a friend but I often had the entire place to myself. I relished solitary evenings spent cooking, baking or even just doing some laundry whilst listening to music.

It became a joke amongst my friends...what a little housewife I had become. Male friends seemed to like it, female friends were both encouraging and incredulous as to my motives. Was I unhappy? Was I trying to impress people? Or was I just plain odd? Even I wasn't quite sure at first. I only knew that these things made me calm, happy and relaxed.

And then one day I stumbled across a book on Amazon...quite by accident. It was listed in the bestsellers section. It had an intriguing title: "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It sounded like an animal care book gone wrong. I hunted it out at my local library. It was to be the start of a complete revolution within myself and eventually, my mind, my heart and my most basic principles were shifted.

The book itself I found to be brash, amusing in an odd sort of fashion. But the most basic principle struck a chord with me.

Be At Home. Always. Let Home be your Work.

Marriage I had always wanted. Very much so. And the same with children. But the idea of housewifery being a vocation had not occured to me. I always thought I would work outside the home until I had children. Only then would it be time to stop. Being a housewife for the sake of being a housewife had never seemed like a viable possibility.

And here I had stumbled across a whole genre of literature (of which that book might be considered very much on the margin) dedicated to 'The Vocation of the Homemaker'. I read more and more books. The role of the housewife became tied in with the role of a wife, the role of a mother. These 3 seemingly distinct vocations merged in my mind and I knew, this was the life for me.

The more I read, the more convicted I became. This beautiful plan seemed to unveil itself. I had always prayed, very hard, that no matter what happened, God would lead me to right-ness. The right place, the right person, the right job. Here, to this new state of mind, I felt myself being led. My very ideas of marriage and home life began to change. Marriage, I found, would no longer be about just finding a life partner, someone to share my happiness and my sorrow and start a family with. For me to succeed in a wifely role, marriage would have to be about service, putting my family before myself and (here's where it gets controversial) being subject to the authority of my husband.

The principles of biblical marriage are complex and in my culture they're considered either a joke at best or at worst, a violation of basic human rights. And yet, the more I learnt, the more I read, the more it all seemed to fall into place. I wanted to give up my independence, and the freedom to do only as I pleased and offer my help to a man who could lead me in life.

I wanted to become a true help-meet.

I'm still only just starting out on this road and so much of it I still grapple with. I'm sometimes bad-tempered, lazy and ungrateful. But I have a certainty that I'm at least on the right road. I know it does not lead to wealth, or success or any sort of accolades. But I know that in it's place it will lead me to somewhere altogether happier and more profound; fulfilment.

I won't say this is the life for everyone, but I do say it's the life for me.