Thank You

It's not always easy to stand by your principles. It becomes that much more difficult when your principles and beliefs fly in the face of what a lot, ok, most people consider 'normal'.

Don't drink? Enjoy a lifetime of being the designated driver.

Don't smoke weed? Well, you're missing out on a real 'bonding' experience.

Don't want to have sex before you're married? Well, that's just nuts!

Christian children especially are under unique threat in today's world. The media bombard them with over-sexualised, violent and materialistic messages at every turn. It's impossible even to walk into a newsagents without being faced with a barrage of pornographic material, masquerading as magazines and news-print.

So it comes as little surprise that the old-fashioned way of doing things (or NOT doing things) has become just that; old fashioned and redundant. Today's society has moved on from the 'bad old days' of Victorian values and Christian influence and no one in their right mind would possibly consider giving up the luxuries that a relativist, modern society offers. Sex, drink, drugs...you name it, you can do it. And to that I have to say fair enough. Far be it for me to presume to tell anyone else how to live their life. But it seems that the same is not true in reverse. Any young person who does embrace so many of those old fashioned values is, in our world, open to severe criticism. And any teenager defending and championing the cause of abstinence in particular can become the focal point of serious peer pressure and social scrutiny.

However, once those awkward teenage years are finished, most of us expect that we will be able to live our ways as we see fit and that provided we transgress no law, we will be free to make choices that we feel are right, for us, without having to constantly explain and defend our actions

How sad then am I to find that there are many people who live with daily criticism for embracing a traditional Christian life in adulthood and living it to the full. I look back on some of my wasted years, in which I was far from the model of a good Christian woman and I regret not being tough enough to stick by the principles I was raised with.

And so I stand amazed by the courage it must take for many good men and women to repeat time and time again to friends, and sometimes even family members, that they are choosing not to have sex until marriage and that they have no wish to 'test the waters' or work out if they and their fiance are 'compatible'. How belittling for them to have their chaste relationship paraded in front of others as though it warranted a 20 page inquiry document and Discovery channel documentary as a way of 'explanation'.

They are questioned, challenged, ridiculed and sometimes they endure harsh criticism and social ostracism. But they stand fast, hold onto their principles and refuse to let the waves knock them back.

They are true heroes of Christian culture. And to them, I'd like to say a big thank you. For being true to themselves. For being true to their God. And for being so many things that I never was.

Onward Christian Soldiers.

You Know He's 'The One' When...

He doesn't pretend to understand, but he does always listen.
A trip to shops rarely occurs without him buying you a little treat.
He tells you you look lovely, even when you're wearing a raggy old t-shirt covered in baby sick.
He gently reminds you that for all solutions, there is probably one answer: prayer.
He works hard, every day, to make your life comfortable and just that bit easier. And he doesn't even ask for a thank you.

This is for my Mr. Right...my best friend and life-long companion.

Because We're All Worth It

A friend of mine who has just recently had her first baby asked me a question the other day. One that I didn't have an immediate answer for. I'm used to responding to her queries about breastfeeding, baby sleep patterns, techniques for soothing and so on. But this one caught me a bit off guard.

She wanted to know how I slot in time each day to attend to my appearance. As most new mothers can attest, finding even 10 minutes in which to have a quick shower can be a challenge. Trying to look attractive on top of that is even harder.

But her question reminded me that this is actually really important. Not only for ourselves, as women, but also for our husbands and marriages.

Certainly when Hubby first met me, I had plenty of time to make myself look presentable. I wore nice, smart, pretty clothes. I did my hair. I carefully applied my make up each day. I exercised regularly and tried to watch my weight (I'm not naturally predisposed to being slim..it takes me some effort to stay at a normal weight) I wore high heels and overall, I took care of myself.

Fast forward to now and well, things are a bit different. I have a young baby. I no longer have time to spend each day carefully grooming myself. Fancy clothes and high heels are definitely out of the question and make up is not an every day thing anymore. My body is different after childbirth. I am still trying to shift the last of my baby weight as I have had to adapt to a whole new exercise regime (I've devised my own little routine to do with Martha while she is in her baby sling. She LOVES it!). Breastfeeding has meant that my proportions are now different. I am larger in some places, more muscular in others. I have stretch-marks where previously there were none and although I wear my pre-baby clothes they don't fit quite as well as they used to.

But I've realised that I still do try to look nice. For me and for Hubby. But looking nice these days has taken on a different meaning. I will never look exactly as I did 2 years ago. And I'm alright with that. So now, I try to focus more on simply looking presentable, neat and clean.

I have a 'housewife uniform'. A series of floral or patterned skirts that I wear with plain t-shirts. I rotate these, keeping one clean 'uniform' at all times. It doesn't matter if they get dirty (which they will!) as they are not expensive, they are not 'for best' and I always have another to change into. Very handy for when the baby has thrown half her dinner over my shoulder and Hubby is due home in 10 minutes!

I prioritise the 10 minutes that it takes to jump in the shower each day and have a good wash. This might mean that Martha has to sit in her chair or in her basket with little to see or do. She might even cry a little. But I consider this is a necessary evil. Baby does always come first. But Mum shouldn't be entirely forgotten about either.

My hair is long thick and wavy. It needs a certain level of looking after or it is a mess. So each day after my shower I give it a quick brush and then put it in pigtails or a side-plait. Occasionally I wear a headscarf which works wonders for keeping it under control. This is ideal now that Martha has reached that hair-pulling stage!

In the 10 minutes before Hubby is due home, I brush my teeth again, wash my hands and face, re-do my hair if necessary, change my t-shirt is necessary and apply just a little touch of concealer and mascara if I have time. I spritz myself with some perfume or I apply some scented moisturiser.

So by the time he comes through the door at night, I am clean, neat and hopefully looking a little refreshed!

All in all, it only takes about 20 minutes throughout the day. Hardly a major imposition on my time. But it fulfils a few vital roles. Firstly, it sends a message to Hubby that although we are firmly settled into family life, I still wish for him to see me as attractive. There is a temptation for women to begin to see themselves as 'only' mothers once they have a baby. This can have a really negative impact on a marriage. The role of wife should always come first. And part of that role is making an effort with our appearance. It is a very un-PC thing to say, but I really think it is true. After all, how many women would still find their husbands just as attractive if they suddenly gained 50lbs and stopped showering every day?

And secondly, it really does make an impact on how I see myself. I may spend my days doing housework with a baby strapped to me, but that doesn't mean I have lost all sense of who I am as an individual. It doesn't mean that suddenly I don't matter any more or that my value has decreased. Taking those 20 minutes a day is a reminder that it is important that I take care of myself. And it is about a lot more than just looking pretty. Eating well, exercising and relaxing, taking the time to look presentable and attractive...those things all come under the same umbrella in my book. They are all vital ingredients of a happy, healthy life. And us mothers need to be happy and healthy. For our babies...for our families. They depend on us.

So I advised my friend to do whatever it takes to get those few precious moments during the day to spruce herself up. Her partner needs it. Her baby needs it. She needs it.

My Funny Valentine

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Typically it's a day for big romantic gestures, spending a little too much money and eating out at fancy restaurants. But we keep things pretty low key in our family. We don't buy extravagant gifts or make wild, grand gestures. We are far more content just to be home together, enjoying each other's company.

So instead, we ate a lovely home-cooked meal, took a walk together and exchanged some little gifts.

And in the afternoon, Hubby set about doing a few little D.I.Y jobs he has been wanting to do.

So this post is dedicated to him.

I love you my sunny, funny Valentine!

Inspiration

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God".

Titus 2 vs 4-5

True Confessions of a Catholic Housewife

This blog is more a sort of internet based personal diary than something I hope many people read. And I've started it because I would like an outlet for this slightly unusual, un-politically correct side of me that has emerged over the past year or two.

At my age, most people (and I use this phrase loosely as I know people enter into all walks of life at all ages) are busying themselves establishing a career, perhaps finding a flat or house to rent by themselves or maybe still sharing a living space with a group of friends. They will probably be keen to go out of an evening...to restaurants, pubs, the theatre, maybe a nice swanky bar.

I know. I was doing it until recently. I would eat out in upmarket gastro pubs a few times a week, spend evenings mulling over a lovely dinner with lots of red wine and good friends. I spent my days at the office, negotiating with tricky colleagues and even trickier office politics.

I wasn't a high-flyer, nor did I have a huge salary. But I had more than enough for my rent and bills and I was able to use the rest to plan nice city breaks with friends and go to the local bakery and delicatessan for croissant and coffee on Saturday mornings.

That was the norm. It was my norm.

But another side of life began to emerge. Another quiet, more domesticated version of me bubbled underneath. Slowly at first, but over time it gained vigour and momentum.

I started to bake my own bread and experiment with re-creating dishes I had eaten in restaurants and other countries.

I got my own sewing machine and I spent a very happy weekend learning how to handstitch a cushion cover.

I became obsessed with interior design books, books about gardens, recipe books and anything written about domesticity and the home.

I tried my hand at making cakes and scones and biscuits. I made my own ice-cream.

I bought fresh flowers and read up on flower arranging.

I began to stay in more and more. I lived with a friend but I often had the entire place to myself. I relished solitary evenings spent cooking, baking or even just doing some laundry whilst listening to music.

It became a joke amongst my friends...what a little housewife I had become. Male friends seemed to like it, female friends were both encouraging and incredulous as to my motives. Was I unhappy? Was I trying to impress people? Or was I just plain odd? Even I wasn't quite sure at first. I only knew that these things made me calm, happy and relaxed.

And then one day I stumbled across a book on Amazon...quite by accident. It was listed in the bestsellers section. It had an intriguing title: "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It sounded like an animal care book gone wrong. I hunted it out at my local library. It was to be the start of a complete revolution within myself and eventually, my mind, my heart and my most basic principles were shifted.

The book itself I found to be brash, amusing in an odd sort of fashion. But the most basic principle struck a chord with me.

Be At Home. Always. Let Home be your Work.

Marriage I had always wanted. Very much so. And the same with children. But the idea of housewifery being a vocation had not occured to me. I always thought I would work outside the home until I had children. Only then would it be time to stop. Being a housewife for the sake of being a housewife had never seemed like a viable possibility.

And here I had stumbled across a whole genre of literature (of which that book might be considered very much on the margin) dedicated to 'The Vocation of the Homemaker'. I read more and more books. The role of the housewife became tied in with the role of a wife, the role of a mother. These 3 seemingly distinct vocations merged in my mind and I knew, this was the life for me.

The more I read, the more convicted I became. This beautiful plan seemed to unveil itself. I had always prayed, very hard, that no matter what happened, God would lead me to right-ness. The right place, the right person, the right job. Here, to this new state of mind, I felt myself being led. My very ideas of marriage and home life began to change. Marriage, I found, would no longer be about just finding a life partner, someone to share my happiness and my sorrow and start a family with. For me to succeed in a wifely role, marriage would have to be about service, putting my family before myself and (here's where it gets controversial) being subject to the authority of my husband.

The principles of biblical marriage are complex and in my culture they're considered either a joke at best or at worst, a violation of basic human rights. And yet, the more I learnt, the more I read, the more it all seemed to fall into place. I wanted to give up my independence, and the freedom to do only as I pleased and offer my help to a man who could lead me in life.

I wanted to become a true help-meet.

I'm still only just starting out on this road and so much of it I still grapple with. I'm sometimes bad-tempered, lazy and ungrateful. But I have a certainty that I'm at least on the right road. I know it does not lead to wealth, or success or any sort of accolades. But I know that in it's place it will lead me to somewhere altogether happier and more profound; fulfilment.

I won't say this is the life for everyone, but I do say it's the life for me.