A Little Quandary

Since my daughter was born, I have advocated and practised a fairly relaxed style of parenting. We co-sleep. I breastfeed on demand. There have been no routines beyond the absolutely necessary. And in lots of ways it's worked well. I read The Continuum Concept and Three In A Bed when Martha was still only very tiny and I decided then that attachment parenting was the way for us. I have been lucky to have found this way fairly easy.

It is only now, as she approaches her first birthday that I am starting to realise that there may be some difficult choices rapidly coming my way.

Martha and I struggled to establish our nursing relationship. My post birth recovery was long and difficult and it seemed to take months for my milk supply to reach an abundant level. At 8 weeks old, Martha wasn't gaining enough weight and I was advised to supplement with formula. With a heavy heart and a lot of hesitation, I decided against it. There is nothing wrong with supplementing when it's necessary but Martha was active, alert and gaining weight (just not enough) and I was sure that with a bit of time and extra effort I could manage to breastfeed exclusively and keep her weight gain steady. And so I nursed round the clock. Every hour on the hour. I seemed to spend weeks and weeks glued to the couch or the bed. It was difficult, painful and dare I say it, a little boring, but our perseverance paid off and soon Martha was gaining nicely.

So it seems a little ironic and maybe even a little unfair that after all that effort I find that Martha and I now have the opposite problem! Since she began eating solid food at 6 months old, Martha has developed quite the appetite. She can certainly give me a run for my money at the dinner table! Her breastfeeding habits however have remained unchanged. She feeds often, both day and night and is still not sleeping more than 4 hours at a time. And since I feed her to sleep...there is alot of breastfeeding happening in our house!

All this has caused her to fill out a little (ok...a lot!) and last month, after I had taken her to our local baby weigh in clinic, I was told by the resident health visitor that I would have to do something about her rapid weight gain or there was a possibility that I would be asked to take Martha to see a paediatrician. She is not yet overweight, but if she continues in this same pattern, before long she will be. So of course I asked what solution was recommended. It turned out that the only 'something I would have to do' was controlled crying.

Now, I don't intend to pass judgment on anyone who has used, or felt it necessary to try controlled crying. For some parents, sleep deprived, exhausted and frustrated, I imagine it is the only course of action.

But for me, it seems wrong. For Martha, it seems wrong.

So I'm faced with a tricky decision. Do I carry on as we are - allowing Martha to gain more weight than is deemed 'necessary' or do I take some probably drastic steps to reduce her feeds? I know in my heart of hearts what I would rather do and it isn't option B!

But it's more important that I do what is right for Martha.

As I said. It's tricky...

I have no conclusion to this little outpouring. There has been no divine piece of wisdom benevolently bestowed on me yet, providing the solution to my dilemma! I just wanted to send my thoughts out into the cyber-wilderness and say a little wishful prayer that the answer will come to me, right when I need it.

And until then, I'll do the only thing I can think to do. Be a mother to my daughter.

"A mother's treasure is her daughter".

Catherine Pulsifer