Hooray! After months of indecision, consternation and long evening talks, we have decided that now is the time to move out the city and into the country.
I grew up a country girl and although I love the speed and convenience of city life, Martha needs and deserves to have some of the space and greenery that I got to use and enjoy as a child.
And we're very excited for ourselves too!
The English countryside is, in my own small opinion, the most beautiful in the world and once there I can't wait to dive in and partake of some country pleasures and pursuits. Nothing too muddy mind you. I never was one for stomping about in rain and dirt. ;-)
No, my thoughts are turning more towards those lovely cosy projects that lend themselves so well to crisp Autumn evenings and long winter nights.
Here are a few brimming ideas on my country to-do list:
1. Make jam. There's no reason why this can't be done in the city and I have on a few occasions, done so, but home-made jam made with locally grown, organic strawberries is definitely all the sweeter in the country.
2. Learn how to sew - properly. My sewing skills are seriously lacking. But with fewer distractions and hopefully some help with Martha (my family will be living close by) I might just find time to take a sewing class or two and really learn how to make my own clothes.
3. Quilting. My mother is a quilting extraordinaire. She's relatively new to it but has picked it up with ferocious skill and speed. She's gainfully asked if I would like her to make me one. Well, no need to ask! I look forward to many an hour spent watching and learning.
4. Gardening. With any luck, I'll be able to get my mitts just a tad grubby in our very own patch of land. No more will my herbs be confined to pots. It's real soil and earth from now on! And who knows, if I get lucky, I might just get a crop of onions going too.
5. And perhaps best of all, I'll be able to read Country Living, no sense of irony required!
It's back to the country we go!
20 August, 2010
17 August, 2010
A Little Quandary
Since my daughter was born, I have advocated and practised a fairly relaxed style of parenting. We co-sleep. I breastfeed on demand. There have been no routines beyond the absolutely necessary. And in lots of ways it's worked well. I read The Continuum Concept and Three In A Bed when Martha was still only very tiny and I decided then that attachment parenting was the way for us. I have been lucky to have found this way fairly easy.
It is only now, as she approaches her first birthday that I am starting to realise that there may be some difficult choices rapidly coming my way.
Martha and I struggled to establish our nursing relationship. My post birth recovery was long and difficult and it seemed to take months for my milk supply to reach an abundant level. At 8 weeks old, Martha wasn't gaining enough weight and I was advised to supplement with formula. With a heavy heart and a lot of hesitation, I decided against it. There is nothing wrong with supplementing when it's necessary but Martha was active, alert and gaining weight (just not enough) and I was sure that with a bit of time and extra effort I could manage to breastfeed exclusively and keep her weight gain steady. And so I nursed round the clock. Every hour on the hour. I seemed to spend weeks and weeks glued to the couch or the bed. It was difficult, painful and dare I say it, a little boring, but our perseverance paid off and soon Martha was gaining nicely.
So it seems a little ironic and maybe even a little unfair that after all that effort I find that Martha and I now have the opposite problem! Since she began eating solid food at 6 months old, Martha has developed quite the appetite. She can certainly give me a run for my money at the dinner table! Her breastfeeding habits however have remained unchanged. She feeds often, both day and night and is still not sleeping more than 4 hours at a time. And since I feed her to sleep...there is alot of breastfeeding happening in our house!
All this has caused her to fill out a little (ok...a lot!) and last month, after I had taken her to our local baby weigh in clinic, I was told by the resident health visitor that I would have to do something about her rapid weight gain or there was a possibility that I would be asked to take Martha to see a paediatrician. She is not yet overweight, but if she continues in this same pattern, before long she will be. So of course I asked what solution was recommended. It turned out that the only 'something I would have to do' was controlled crying.
Now, I don't intend to pass judgment on anyone who has used, or felt it necessary to try controlled crying. For some parents, sleep deprived, exhausted and frustrated, I imagine it is the only course of action.
But for me, it seems wrong. For Martha, it seems wrong.
So I'm faced with a tricky decision. Do I carry on as we are - allowing Martha to gain more weight than is deemed 'necessary' or do I take some probably drastic steps to reduce her feeds? I know in my heart of hearts what I would rather do and it isn't option B!
But it's more important that I do what is right for Martha.
As I said. It's tricky...
I have no conclusion to this little outpouring. There has been no divine piece of wisdom benevolently bestowed on me yet, providing the solution to my dilemma! I just wanted to send my thoughts out into the cyber-wilderness and say a little wishful prayer that the answer will come to me, right when I need it.
And until then, I'll do the only thing I can think to do. Be a mother to my daughter.
"A mother's treasure is her daughter".
Catherine Pulsifer
It is only now, as she approaches her first birthday that I am starting to realise that there may be some difficult choices rapidly coming my way.
Martha and I struggled to establish our nursing relationship. My post birth recovery was long and difficult and it seemed to take months for my milk supply to reach an abundant level. At 8 weeks old, Martha wasn't gaining enough weight and I was advised to supplement with formula. With a heavy heart and a lot of hesitation, I decided against it. There is nothing wrong with supplementing when it's necessary but Martha was active, alert and gaining weight (just not enough) and I was sure that with a bit of time and extra effort I could manage to breastfeed exclusively and keep her weight gain steady. And so I nursed round the clock. Every hour on the hour. I seemed to spend weeks and weeks glued to the couch or the bed. It was difficult, painful and dare I say it, a little boring, but our perseverance paid off and soon Martha was gaining nicely.
So it seems a little ironic and maybe even a little unfair that after all that effort I find that Martha and I now have the opposite problem! Since she began eating solid food at 6 months old, Martha has developed quite the appetite. She can certainly give me a run for my money at the dinner table! Her breastfeeding habits however have remained unchanged. She feeds often, both day and night and is still not sleeping more than 4 hours at a time. And since I feed her to sleep...there is alot of breastfeeding happening in our house!
All this has caused her to fill out a little (ok...a lot!) and last month, after I had taken her to our local baby weigh in clinic, I was told by the resident health visitor that I would have to do something about her rapid weight gain or there was a possibility that I would be asked to take Martha to see a paediatrician. She is not yet overweight, but if she continues in this same pattern, before long she will be. So of course I asked what solution was recommended. It turned out that the only 'something I would have to do' was controlled crying.
Now, I don't intend to pass judgment on anyone who has used, or felt it necessary to try controlled crying. For some parents, sleep deprived, exhausted and frustrated, I imagine it is the only course of action.
But for me, it seems wrong. For Martha, it seems wrong.
So I'm faced with a tricky decision. Do I carry on as we are - allowing Martha to gain more weight than is deemed 'necessary' or do I take some probably drastic steps to reduce her feeds? I know in my heart of hearts what I would rather do and it isn't option B!
But it's more important that I do what is right for Martha.
As I said. It's tricky...
I have no conclusion to this little outpouring. There has been no divine piece of wisdom benevolently bestowed on me yet, providing the solution to my dilemma! I just wanted to send my thoughts out into the cyber-wilderness and say a little wishful prayer that the answer will come to me, right when I need it.
And until then, I'll do the only thing I can think to do. Be a mother to my daughter.
"A mother's treasure is her daughter".
Catherine Pulsifer
11 August, 2010
Rat Race
A man I have never heard of died today. I only discovered the news when my husband sent me a news article detailing this man's life and works. His name was Jimmy Reid. He was a trade unionist leader in Scotland during the difficult days of the early 1970's. And together with a man named Bobby Dickie, he led a successful protest against the closure of a shipyard on the river Clyde. There was no violence. No picketing. No strike. He persuaded his colleagues to simply stay in their factory, to complete their work and, if it came to it, to put up no resistance to police efforts to remove them. It worked. And to this day the shipyard on the Clyde remains in use and profitable.
All of this information is hardly news. It happened last century. But Jimmy Reid became a hero. And he is still considered a hero by many today. His career following his life as an engineering shop steward was rather glittering. He became a journalist; writing columns, hosting television programmes and even making a documentary. And in 1972, in recognition of all he had achieved, he was made rector of Glasgow university and at his inauguration he gave a speech.
Whether you love or loathe the politics of Jimmy Reid, or even if you've never heard of him until today, there is no doubting the beauty and the power of the words he spoke on that day.
I often think about the nature of the workplace. How corrupt it can be. How often it forces those in it to spend a life in vicious pursuit of either survival or materialism. How it flies in the face of so many of the teachings of a humble carpenter from Galilee. What does it mean to be a Christian in the world of big business and mass consumerism?
On that day way back in 1972, Jimmy Reid summed up what I and many millions of other people feel when faced with the reality of working life in our modern, developed, civilised country.
I have nothing left to add here. His words produce something more powerful than I ever could.
“A rat race is for rats. We’re not rats. We’re human beings.
All of this information is hardly news. It happened last century. But Jimmy Reid became a hero. And he is still considered a hero by many today. His career following his life as an engineering shop steward was rather glittering. He became a journalist; writing columns, hosting television programmes and even making a documentary. And in 1972, in recognition of all he had achieved, he was made rector of Glasgow university and at his inauguration he gave a speech.
Whether you love or loathe the politics of Jimmy Reid, or even if you've never heard of him until today, there is no doubting the beauty and the power of the words he spoke on that day.
I often think about the nature of the workplace. How corrupt it can be. How often it forces those in it to spend a life in vicious pursuit of either survival or materialism. How it flies in the face of so many of the teachings of a humble carpenter from Galilee. What does it mean to be a Christian in the world of big business and mass consumerism?
On that day way back in 1972, Jimmy Reid summed up what I and many millions of other people feel when faced with the reality of working life in our modern, developed, civilised country.
I have nothing left to add here. His words produce something more powerful than I ever could.
“A rat race is for rats. We’re not rats. We’re human beings.
“Reject the insidious pressures in society that would blunt your critical faculties to all that is happening around you, that would caution silence in the face of injustice lest you jeopardise your chances of self promotion and self advancement.
“This is how it starts and, before you know where you are, you’re a fully paid up member of the rat pack.
“The price is too high. It entails the loss of your dignity and human spirit.
“Or as Christ puts it ‘What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?’”.
Jimmy Reid RIP
04 August, 2010
03 August, 2010
Ending The Mummy Wars
Hold the presses! And don your hard hats. For there has been yet another study released, all about us modern mothers and the myriad ways we damage our children through the choices we make.
Except, this one comes with a difference. The results of a recent American study by The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development Study of Early Child Care has demonstrated that on balance, babies and young children do not suffer when their mothers go back to work within 1 year of giving birth and that, taking into account all factors (such as lifestyle, health of the mother, financial stability and child-care choices) the effect of having a working mother on a child is no different than the effect on a child when it's mother remains at home.
"The good news is that we can see no adverse effects," said American academic Jane Waldfogel, currently a visiting professor at the London School of Economics. "This research is unique because the question we have always asked in the past has been: 'If everything else remains constant, what is the effect of a mum going off to work?' But of course everything else doesn't stay constant, so it's an artificial way of looking at things.
I suppose my point is this: Positive encouragement of mothers and the tasks that they face is only ever a good thing. The founders of this study rightly sought to comfort the anxieties that working mothers feel and they did just that. The 'Mummy wars' and the insults and judgement that goes with it has go on too long and I for one welcome the findings of this study as demonstration that most mothers simply do the best that they can, for their families and themselves. But as well as encouragement and comfort, society should be seeking ways to help all families achieve a life that they feel is right for them, rather than relying on a promise that the life that they have probably isn't going to hurt them in the end.
Except, this one comes with a difference. The results of a recent American study by The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development Study of Early Child Care has demonstrated that on balance, babies and young children do not suffer when their mothers go back to work within 1 year of giving birth and that, taking into account all factors (such as lifestyle, health of the mother, financial stability and child-care choices) the effect of having a working mother on a child is no different than the effect on a child when it's mother remains at home.
"The good news is that we can see no adverse effects," said American academic Jane Waldfogel, currently a visiting professor at the London School of Economics. "This research is unique because the question we have always asked in the past has been: 'If everything else remains constant, what is the effect of a mum going off to work?' But of course everything else doesn't stay constant, so it's an artificial way of looking at things.
"Family relationships, family income, the mental health of the mother all change when a mother is working and so what we did was to look at the full impact, taking all of these things into account."
Now, this is of course good news in many ways. Working mothers are frequently berated for their decision to work, despite the fact that many women not only need to work to make ends meet but are happier and healthier when given the opportunity to work outside of the home. And taking an over-simplistic view of things, happy mum = happy baby.
Except that it just isn't that simple. The findings of this study do indeed disprove, or at least throw into debate, countless other investigations done. But on closer inspection, the conclusions found seem to apply to only a small sub-set of working mothers. The study listed some advantages that children enjoy when Mummy goes out to work. Greater financial stability. Excellent child-care. An increase in quality of life and lifestyle.
Again, all good.
But is this really the reality for most working mothers? Waldfogel tells us, "This is especially good news for US mothers, who typically go back to work after three months because of the lack of maternity leave, but it equally will apply to the typical British family."
Hmmm...most mothers in the US return to work at 3 months post-partum because of a lack of maternity leave? This doesn't sound like choice to me. This sounds like institutionalised expectation. It sounds as though perhaps, there is a pressure placed upon these women to go back out to work, to earn some money, to do some 'real' work. Where is the happy mum = happy baby equation in this?
I simply don't see it.
The examples quoted are very telling also.
"Julie Wilson, 43, returned to work full time when her first son, James, was six months old. "We had a really good nursery nearby and it was absolutely fine. I really enjoyed my job and never considered changing my hours. I don't feel he missed me – he was happy at nursery. He was occupied all the time… Later on it was really educational."
When her second son, Ben, was born, she returned to work again, but went part-time. Wilson, who now works as a freelance, thinks the decision to work had no negative impact on the boys, now 12 and eight. "Looking at James now, he is a very rounded individual."
There is no single mother here, living in council housing or with her parents, desperately trying to forge a decent career and working at McDonalds to fund her education. There is no married women whose husband has been made redundant, forcing her to go back to the office job she hated Monday - Friday while her children stay at home with Daddy.
No, the women quoted in this study are the fortunate ones. They are the those women who have already dedicated time to their careers prior to having children. They are the women who need rely on no-one for financial support since they are successful, independently wealthy and able to afford the best child-care money can buy.
The conclusion that mothers should not feel guilty for the choices they make is valid and noble. Of course women should have the choice to work, just as men should have the choice to stay at home if they wish.
But there is a baffling display of confusion here, the assumption that a women who goes out to work is a woman who has chosen to go out to work. It's no doubt a huge relief for all working women, whatever their circumstances, to read that their working life is probably doing no damage to their children, but wouldn't studies such as this and the institutions that fund them better serve the women they are seeking to help by researching ways to enable more women to have the choice to stay home, if they wish?
I suppose my point is this: Positive encouragement of mothers and the tasks that they face is only ever a good thing. The founders of this study rightly sought to comfort the anxieties that working mothers feel and they did just that. The 'Mummy wars' and the insults and judgement that goes with it has go on too long and I for one welcome the findings of this study as demonstration that most mothers simply do the best that they can, for their families and themselves. But as well as encouragement and comfort, society should be seeking ways to help all families achieve a life that they feel is right for them, rather than relying on a promise that the life that they have probably isn't going to hurt them in the end.
29 July, 2010
Advice To A Girl
No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed;
Lay that on your heart,
My young angry dear;
This truth, this hard and precious stone,
Lay it on your hot cheek.
Let it hide your tear.
Hold it like a crystal
When you are alone
And gaze in the depths of the icy stone.
Long, look long and you will be blessed:
No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed.
-Sara Teasdale (1884 - 1933)
No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed;
Lay that on your heart,
My young angry dear;
This truth, this hard and precious stone,
Lay it on your hot cheek.
Let it hide your tear.
Hold it like a crystal
When you are alone
And gaze in the depths of the icy stone.
Long, look long and you will be blessed:
No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed.
-Sara Teasdale (1884 - 1933)
26 July, 2010
Oh, fudge!
I'm always more than a little surprised when I try out a new recipe and find that it actually works. I'm 'blessed' with such a lot of clumsiness and impatience that it's a miracle that some of my cooking attempts make it out of the kitchen and into people's mouths.But there is always an exception to the rule and I'm really chuffed that my fudge-making efforts last week passed muster. It felt really nice to be able to give some delicious sugary treats to family and friends at the weekend.
Whoever said food is meant to be shared definitely knew what they were talking about!
Fudge Recipe: Makes A LOT!
410g (1 tin) evaporated milk
170g butter (I used salted, but unsalted will work just as well)
1/4 pint of milk (I used semi-skimmed)
1kg white granulated sugar
1. Melt the butter in a very large saucepan.
2. Add the sugar, milk and evaporated milk.
3. Turn the heat up high and whilst stirring continuously, boil the mixture rapidly until it becomes thick and syrup-ey. This can take up to 30 minutes (or longer if you have a crawling baby to keep an eye on!).
4. Drop half a teaspoon of the syrup into a glass of cold water. If the syrup holds it's shape and looks and feels like chewy toffee, it is ready to be removed from the heat.
5. Once removed from the heat, continue to stir vigourously while the mixture cools for 2-3 minutes.
6. Scrape the mixture into a large greased and lined cake or casserole dish.
7. Leave to cool for 2-3 hours, then cut into chunks, squares or cubes.
Enjoy!
21 July, 2010
Do Not Worry
One of my all time favourite bible verses is found in Matthew 6:34:
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own".
It's such a comforting message. The reassurance that we all sometimes need that we don't need to try to control every aspect of our lives, that Someone Else ultimately has a plan and all we need do is be faithful and trust that He will provide for us what it is we need.
And yet, I realise that putting aside the gentleness and love of God that this passage conveys, there is a commandment here that we are meant to obey. "do not worry". I note that it doesn't say 'try not to worry', or 'practice some relaxation techniques to avoid worrying'. No, it says, quite simply, 'do not worry'.
Well, at the risk of sounding flippant, I have some work to do on this one!
Worrying is almost a skill of mine. Especially since I became a mother. I must spend a good portion of each day worrying about something. And usually, it is over something I can't ever actually control. Of course I know, rationally, that a good Christian hands over all their problems to God in prayer. And I do, quite happily, list my woes (that might be a rather dramatic term!) when I pray, requesting that He send some much needed help my way. But I rarely leave it there and go about my business, confident in the promise that God has made.
No, I am far more likely to mull over the issues of the day; analysing, dissecting and occasionally agonising over their little details. 'If only I had done it differently, then this wouldn't have happened. If only so-and-so hadn't said what they said, then I would be feeling like this. If only I could live in a bigger house/different area/save some more money etc, then everything would be perfect'!
If only. If only...
And what is evident to me, writing this now, is that this sort of mindset is not only deeply disrespectful to God, but it also does me no good.
To spend even a moment of a day worrying and fretting is to lose a moment that could be dedicated to something worthwhile, something pleasant, or even something just silly and fun.
What a wasted opportunity!
So today, I pledge to quit and go cold turkey. No more worrying, no more fretting.
I will endeavour to place my trust firmly in Him, safe in the assurance that He will never let me down.
"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone".
Psalm 91: 11-12
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own".
It's such a comforting message. The reassurance that we all sometimes need that we don't need to try to control every aspect of our lives, that Someone Else ultimately has a plan and all we need do is be faithful and trust that He will provide for us what it is we need.
And yet, I realise that putting aside the gentleness and love of God that this passage conveys, there is a commandment here that we are meant to obey. "do not worry". I note that it doesn't say 'try not to worry', or 'practice some relaxation techniques to avoid worrying'. No, it says, quite simply, 'do not worry'.
Well, at the risk of sounding flippant, I have some work to do on this one!
Worrying is almost a skill of mine. Especially since I became a mother. I must spend a good portion of each day worrying about something. And usually, it is over something I can't ever actually control. Of course I know, rationally, that a good Christian hands over all their problems to God in prayer. And I do, quite happily, list my woes (that might be a rather dramatic term!) when I pray, requesting that He send some much needed help my way. But I rarely leave it there and go about my business, confident in the promise that God has made.
No, I am far more likely to mull over the issues of the day; analysing, dissecting and occasionally agonising over their little details. 'If only I had done it differently, then this wouldn't have happened. If only so-and-so hadn't said what they said, then I would be feeling like this. If only I could live in a bigger house/different area/save some more money etc, then everything would be perfect'!
If only. If only...
And what is evident to me, writing this now, is that this sort of mindset is not only deeply disrespectful to God, but it also does me no good.
To spend even a moment of a day worrying and fretting is to lose a moment that could be dedicated to something worthwhile, something pleasant, or even something just silly and fun.
What a wasted opportunity!
So today, I pledge to quit and go cold turkey. No more worrying, no more fretting.
I will endeavour to place my trust firmly in Him, safe in the assurance that He will never let me down.
"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone".
Psalm 91: 11-12
14 July, 2010
Baby Baby
Ah, the joys of teething. Martha is going through another gum-related challenging phase and it's definitely causing us all a bit of stress.
Co-sleeping and breastfeeding help alot. After all, no one wants to be getting out of bed to pick up their crying baby at 4am...not to mention again at 5am, 6am and 7am.
But still, a few broken night's sleep can really play havoc with your body, mind and sadly, your patience.
So I'm writing this little post for Martha. As a reminder to myself of all the wonderful things about motherhood and just how much she has enriched and completed my life.
For every angry scream, there is a gurgling grin. For every clenched fist, there is a gentle stroke. For every red face, there is a calm smile.
In the midst of the tiredness, the screaming, the biting and the tears I hope she knows just how much I love her.
I can't wait for the day that I can tell her and she will understand.
"Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven".
Matthew 10:18
Co-sleeping and breastfeeding help alot. After all, no one wants to be getting out of bed to pick up their crying baby at 4am...not to mention again at 5am, 6am and 7am.
But still, a few broken night's sleep can really play havoc with your body, mind and sadly, your patience.
So I'm writing this little post for Martha. As a reminder to myself of all the wonderful things about motherhood and just how much she has enriched and completed my life.
For every angry scream, there is a gurgling grin. For every clenched fist, there is a gentle stroke. For every red face, there is a calm smile.
In the midst of the tiredness, the screaming, the biting and the tears I hope she knows just how much I love her.
I can't wait for the day that I can tell her and she will understand.
"Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven".
Matthew 10:18
06 July, 2010
The House That Hubby Built
I never was blessed with a knack for practical skills. Fortunately for me though, my husband was.
This 'little' effort as he called it was rustled up this evening in just an hour.
A master DIY-man and a swift worker into the bargain.
Yes indeed. I'm a lucky girl!
:-)
02 July, 2010
Friday Feeling
Martha is very much an all-singing, all-dancing baby. She loves music. The more up-beat, the better.
This is one of her (and my) favourites.
And the ending to the video is, in my opinion, fabulous!
It definitely gives me that elusive 'Friday feeling'.
Happy Friday!
This is one of her (and my) favourites.
And the ending to the video is, in my opinion, fabulous!
It definitely gives me that elusive 'Friday feeling'.
Happy Friday!
29 June, 2010
Thank You
It's not always easy to stand by your principles. It becomes that much more difficult when your principles and beliefs fly in the face of what a lot, ok, most people consider 'normal'.
Don't drink? Enjoy a lifetime of being the designated driver.
Don't smoke weed? Well, you're missing out on a real 'bonding' experience.
Don't want to have sex before you're married? Well, that's just nuts!
Christian children especially are under unique threat in today's world. The media bombard them with over-sexualised, violent and materialistic messages at every turn. It's impossible even to walk into a newsagents without being faced with a barrage of pornographic material, masquerading as magazines and news-print.
So it comes as little surprise that the old-fashioned way of doing things (or NOT doing things) has become just that; old fashioned and redundant. Today's society has moved on from the 'bad old days' of Victorian values and Christian influence and no one in their right mind would possibly consider giving up the luxuries that a relativist, modern society offers. Sex, drink, drugs...you name it, you can do it. And to that I have to say fair enough. Far be it for me to presume to tell anyone else how to live their life. But it seems that the same is not true in reverse. Any young person who does embrace so many of those old fashioned values is, in our world, open to severe criticism. And any teenager defending and championing the cause of abstinence in particular can become the focal point of serious peer pressure and social scrutiny.
However, once those awkward teenage years are finished, most of us expect that we will be able to live our ways as we see fit and that provided we transgress no law, we will be free to make choices that we feel are right, for us, without having to constantly explain and defend our actions
How sad then am I to find that there are many people who live with daily criticism for embracing a traditional Christian life in adulthood and living it to the full. I look back on some of my wasted years, in which I was far from the model of a good Christian woman and I regret not being tough enough to stick by the principles I was raised with.
And so I stand amazed by the courage it must take for many good men and women to repeat time and time again to friends, and sometimes even family members, that they are choosing not to have sex until marriage and that they have no wish to 'test the waters' or work out if they and their fiance are 'compatible'. How belittling for them to have their chaste relationship paraded in front of others as though it warranted a 20 page inquiry document and Discovery channel documentary as a way of 'explanation'.
They are questioned, challenged, ridiculed and sometimes they endure harsh criticism and social ostracism. But they stand fast, hold onto their principles and refuse to let the waves knock them back.
They are true heroes of Christian culture. And to them, I'd like to say a big thank you. For being true to themselves. For being true to their God. And for being so many things that I never was.
Onward Christian Soldiers.
Don't drink? Enjoy a lifetime of being the designated driver.
Don't smoke weed? Well, you're missing out on a real 'bonding' experience.
Don't want to have sex before you're married? Well, that's just nuts!
Christian children especially are under unique threat in today's world. The media bombard them with over-sexualised, violent and materialistic messages at every turn. It's impossible even to walk into a newsagents without being faced with a barrage of pornographic material, masquerading as magazines and news-print.
So it comes as little surprise that the old-fashioned way of doing things (or NOT doing things) has become just that; old fashioned and redundant. Today's society has moved on from the 'bad old days' of Victorian values and Christian influence and no one in their right mind would possibly consider giving up the luxuries that a relativist, modern society offers. Sex, drink, drugs...you name it, you can do it. And to that I have to say fair enough. Far be it for me to presume to tell anyone else how to live their life. But it seems that the same is not true in reverse. Any young person who does embrace so many of those old fashioned values is, in our world, open to severe criticism. And any teenager defending and championing the cause of abstinence in particular can become the focal point of serious peer pressure and social scrutiny.
However, once those awkward teenage years are finished, most of us expect that we will be able to live our ways as we see fit and that provided we transgress no law, we will be free to make choices that we feel are right, for us, without having to constantly explain and defend our actions
How sad then am I to find that there are many people who live with daily criticism for embracing a traditional Christian life in adulthood and living it to the full. I look back on some of my wasted years, in which I was far from the model of a good Christian woman and I regret not being tough enough to stick by the principles I was raised with.
And so I stand amazed by the courage it must take for many good men and women to repeat time and time again to friends, and sometimes even family members, that they are choosing not to have sex until marriage and that they have no wish to 'test the waters' or work out if they and their fiance are 'compatible'. How belittling for them to have their chaste relationship paraded in front of others as though it warranted a 20 page inquiry document and Discovery channel documentary as a way of 'explanation'.
They are questioned, challenged, ridiculed and sometimes they endure harsh criticism and social ostracism. But they stand fast, hold onto their principles and refuse to let the waves knock them back.
They are true heroes of Christian culture. And to them, I'd like to say a big thank you. For being true to themselves. For being true to their God. And for being so many things that I never was.
Onward Christian Soldiers.
28 June, 2010
Her Journey
It's been a long time since I've visited The Vineyard. It's been difficult to know what to write about. Life seems to be moving at an exhausting rate. I can hardly keep up. I used to think as a little girl that having a family of my own would be the culmination of my achievements, I somehow thought life would pause. There would be no more journey, I had arrived at my destination.
I find that this is untrue in so many ways. My journey started long ago and it hasn't finished yet, but my daughter's journey is only just beginning. And I find the choices, options and decisions that I need to make on her behalf baffling at times.
Questions about where to live, what lifestyle to implement and how to best educate her are all raging at the present.
I realise acutely how lucky I am to have been granted the opportunity to make such choices.
But with any privilege comes responsibility. Few are greater than the responsibility of a parent to a child.
I'm banking on all the answers I need coming to me when I need them, at the right time.
Until then, I'll keep plodding on with a lot of hope, a lot of prayers and a lot of reading!
"Begin to weave and God will give you the thread".
German Proverb
I find that this is untrue in so many ways. My journey started long ago and it hasn't finished yet, but my daughter's journey is only just beginning. And I find the choices, options and decisions that I need to make on her behalf baffling at times.
Questions about where to live, what lifestyle to implement and how to best educate her are all raging at the present.
I realise acutely how lucky I am to have been granted the opportunity to make such choices.
But with any privilege comes responsibility. Few are greater than the responsibility of a parent to a child.
I'm banking on all the answers I need coming to me when I need them, at the right time.
Until then, I'll keep plodding on with a lot of hope, a lot of prayers and a lot of reading!
"Begin to weave and God will give you the thread".
German Proverb
15 June, 2010
No IQ
I've been feeling thoroughly stuck for a blog post subject for a while now. I have seemingly endless draft copies of silly little bits and pieces and not one seems worthy of being published! If I were to dare call myself a writer (which I won't...it's too big an insult to writers) then I would say I have the infamous writer's block. So until my mind returns, I'll settle for this lovely quote.
I have found, in my limited experience, that it is most true.
"One learns through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect".
Mark Twain
I have found, in my limited experience, that it is most true.
"One learns through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect".
Mark Twain
04 June, 2010
Nursing Is Natural
Breastfeeding is one of the most hotly and passionately debated subjects within parental circles today. It has widely been adopted within the UK as a symbol for switched-on, intelligent and I'm sorry to say, rather middle class parenting.
I have heard and read countless stories of women who have felt an almost tangible feeling of guilt and inadequacy at being unable to breastfeed, or being unable to continue breastfeeding for more than a few weeks.
But the plain fact of the matter is that breastfeeding is not the domain of only the well off and well educated. At it's heart, breastfeeding is just a simple biological function, designed to keep babies free from disease in their first few vulnerable months and to help them thrive.
That doesn't mean it is always easy however and for some mothers, the difficulty of breastfeeding can outweigh the health benefits.
I'm still breastfeeding at 9 months and although I don't have any plans to give up any time soon, I have struggled with my baby's slow weight gain, thrush and at times a low supply.
The benefits of breastfeeding however, are numerous and wide reaching. It protects against some childhood cancers, obesity, diabetes, general viruses and infections and there are even studies that demonstrate a link between extended breastfeeding beyond 1 year and intelligence levels. It would take a very strong and determined woman to decide that despite all the health benefits, she didn't even want to give it a go.
And yet, there are many such women who for various reasons decide that breastfeeding is something they simply do not wish to do, nor even to try.
I have had numerous conversations and debates with different people on the subject and I have come to realise that alot of the emphasis on breastfeeding; the technique of it, the biology of it, could be what puts so many people off. There are websites, books and classes too numerous to list, all designed to teach people how to breastfeed and to support women in doing it. This of course is a good thing. But there are no support groups teaching women how to mix up a bottle of formula.
I think this can often give the impression that breastfeeding is somehow the preserve of a certain type of women, one who is able through time and money to learn how to do it prior to giving birth. Rarely it is spoken of as just a natural biological function that naturally follows the birthing process.
De-mystifying it could well motivate many more women into giving it a go. I did some preparation for breastfeeding whilst I was pregnant. I bought a book and looked at some websites, but in my pre-baby state so much of it sounded alien to me. Latching on. Positioning. Let-down reflex. I couldn't possibly imagine myself doing it for the very simple reason that I had never tried. What I found after my daughter was born and began to feed was that breastfeeding really does just come naturally...it is just instinct. It helps of course to have support, it helps to know a few tricks. But when all is said and done, mothers and babies are more capable than they know of establishing a nursing relationship and sustaining it by just relying on their instincts and their strong emotional connection.
Breastfeeding is not necessarily easy and I know, as do many women, that at times it is battle to continue, especially during those first few frenzied months of a baby's life. But it is eminently worth it. And it is very do-able for the majority of women.
My motto is: breastfeeding is just like being pregnant and giving birth. It may be painful at times, it may not be easy. But ultimately a woman's body and her baby know just what to do.
I have heard and read countless stories of women who have felt an almost tangible feeling of guilt and inadequacy at being unable to breastfeed, or being unable to continue breastfeeding for more than a few weeks.
But the plain fact of the matter is that breastfeeding is not the domain of only the well off and well educated. At it's heart, breastfeeding is just a simple biological function, designed to keep babies free from disease in their first few vulnerable months and to help them thrive.
That doesn't mean it is always easy however and for some mothers, the difficulty of breastfeeding can outweigh the health benefits.
I'm still breastfeeding at 9 months and although I don't have any plans to give up any time soon, I have struggled with my baby's slow weight gain, thrush and at times a low supply.
The benefits of breastfeeding however, are numerous and wide reaching. It protects against some childhood cancers, obesity, diabetes, general viruses and infections and there are even studies that demonstrate a link between extended breastfeeding beyond 1 year and intelligence levels. It would take a very strong and determined woman to decide that despite all the health benefits, she didn't even want to give it a go.
And yet, there are many such women who for various reasons decide that breastfeeding is something they simply do not wish to do, nor even to try.
I have had numerous conversations and debates with different people on the subject and I have come to realise that alot of the emphasis on breastfeeding; the technique of it, the biology of it, could be what puts so many people off. There are websites, books and classes too numerous to list, all designed to teach people how to breastfeed and to support women in doing it. This of course is a good thing. But there are no support groups teaching women how to mix up a bottle of formula.
I think this can often give the impression that breastfeeding is somehow the preserve of a certain type of women, one who is able through time and money to learn how to do it prior to giving birth. Rarely it is spoken of as just a natural biological function that naturally follows the birthing process.
De-mystifying it could well motivate many more women into giving it a go. I did some preparation for breastfeeding whilst I was pregnant. I bought a book and looked at some websites, but in my pre-baby state so much of it sounded alien to me. Latching on. Positioning. Let-down reflex. I couldn't possibly imagine myself doing it for the very simple reason that I had never tried. What I found after my daughter was born and began to feed was that breastfeeding really does just come naturally...it is just instinct. It helps of course to have support, it helps to know a few tricks. But when all is said and done, mothers and babies are more capable than they know of establishing a nursing relationship and sustaining it by just relying on their instincts and their strong emotional connection.
Breastfeeding is not necessarily easy and I know, as do many women, that at times it is battle to continue, especially during those first few frenzied months of a baby's life. But it is eminently worth it. And it is very do-able for the majority of women.
My motto is: breastfeeding is just like being pregnant and giving birth. It may be painful at times, it may not be easy. But ultimately a woman's body and her baby know just what to do.
03 June, 2010
9 Months Later...
My daughter turned 9 months old yesterday. This feels like a milestone in alot of ways. She is growing at such a rate now, she is virtually crawling and the sounds and noises she makes are seeming more adult by the day.It has caused me to sit back and reflect a little on what has been the most wonderful, and challenging time of my life.
It seems like a life time ago that I sat watching two little pink lines appear on a home pregnancy test. That moment changed my life. And I knew it. No longer was I just myself...I was now responsible in every way for another separate, unique individual. That knowledge has a very sobering effect on a person.
And certainly since my daughter was born at 6 minutes to 6 on September the 2nd 2009, that sobering responsibility has loomed ever larger in my mind.
I have had to discipline myself in so many ways and forget so much of what I used to consider essential to a happy life. Sleep for one! I haven't had an un-interrupted night's sleep in nearly a year! Nor do I have the kind of 'me' time that I used to. My daughter may be able to sit up, feed herself and reach out for her favourite toy, but it is still me that must place her on her playmat, cook her meals and get her toys out of their box. No mother needs to be reminded that mothering is a 24 hour, round the clock job. That her practical, physical needs will lessen over time I have no doubt. But I can never see a time when I will feel any less responsible for her; for her happiness, her safety and her character.
I am incredibly grateful for the enormous blessing that is a child. She has changed my life in every way for the better and I am a wiser and hopefully less selfish woman for having her for my daughter.
So Happy 9 Month Birthday Martha!
With Love, From Mummy xxx
31 May, 2010
You Know He's 'The One' When...
He doesn't pretend to understand, but he does always listen.
A trip to shops rarely occurs without him buying you a little treat.
He tells you you look lovely, even when you're wearing a raggy old t-shirt covered in baby sick.
He gently reminds you that for all solutions, there is probably one answer: prayer.
He works hard, every day, to make your life comfortable and just that bit easier. And he doesn't even ask for a thank you.
This is for my Mr. Right...my best friend and life-long companion.
A trip to shops rarely occurs without him buying you a little treat.
He tells you you look lovely, even when you're wearing a raggy old t-shirt covered in baby sick.
He gently reminds you that for all solutions, there is probably one answer: prayer.
He works hard, every day, to make your life comfortable and just that bit easier. And he doesn't even ask for a thank you.
This is for my Mr. Right...my best friend and life-long companion.
26 May, 2010
Looking Upwards
"The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing birds has come".
Song of Solomon 2:12
Song of Solomon 2:12
25 May, 2010
An Old Friend
I've been feeling a bit under the weather lately. It's been a funny old month, May. I've had a few knocks and scrapes and I'm feeling a little worse for wear as a consequence.
And it seems that my blog has suffered a little as a result...not too much posting going on this month!
But that's ok. I wanted it to be a little sanctuary, free from pressure and constraint. I wanted to have a positive space to write down my thoughts and feelings and focus on the happy, good things in life.
This is especially important to do when life takes a less than pleasant turn.
So in this post, I want to return to that old friend of mine, the poem. A friend who has a thought or a verse for any occasion.
The following is a poem I stumbled across quite by accident some years ago in a bookshop. I opened the book and out leapt this beautiful verse.
A lovely poem for a lovely sunny day.
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Mary Oliver
And it seems that my blog has suffered a little as a result...not too much posting going on this month!
But that's ok. I wanted it to be a little sanctuary, free from pressure and constraint. I wanted to have a positive space to write down my thoughts and feelings and focus on the happy, good things in life.
This is especially important to do when life takes a less than pleasant turn.
So in this post, I want to return to that old friend of mine, the poem. A friend who has a thought or a verse for any occasion.
The following is a poem I stumbled across quite by accident some years ago in a bookshop. I opened the book and out leapt this beautiful verse.
A lovely poem for a lovely sunny day.
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Mary Oliver
23 May, 2010
Fun In The Sun
Hands up, who loves summer! I certainly do. The UK seems to have been hit by a heatwave today and we're set for a scorching hot summer.Perfect picnic weather! So today Hubby, Martha and I packed a lunch and popped over the road to our local park for an afternoon picnic.
It was really lovely...the lush green trees, the butterflies and bumble bees buzzing about and the splendid look on Martha's face as she realised that yes, she had a whole sandwich all to herself!
I hope everyone has had as lovely a Sunday as we did.
Happy Summer!!
15 May, 2010
Counting Apples
'Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only God can count all the apples in one seed'.
Robert H. Schuller
14 May, 2010
Because We're All Worth It
A friend of mine who has just recently had her first baby asked me a question the other day. One that I didn't have an immediate answer for. I'm used to responding to her queries about breastfeeding, baby sleep patterns, techniques for soothing and so on. But this one caught me a bit off guard.
She wanted to know how I slot in time each day to attend to my appearance. As most new mothers can attest, finding even 10 minutes in which to have a quick shower can be a challenge. Trying to look attractive on top of that is even harder.
But her question reminded me that this is actually really important. Not only for ourselves, as women, but also for our husbands and marriages.
Certainly when Hubby first met me, I had plenty of time to make myself look presentable. I wore nice, smart, pretty clothes. I did my hair. I carefully applied my make up each day. I exercised regularly and tried to watch my weight (I'm not naturally predisposed to being slim..it takes me some effort to stay at a normal weight) I wore high heels and overall, I took care of myself.
Fast forward to now and well, things are a bit different. I have a young baby. I no longer have time to spend each day carefully grooming myself. Fancy clothes and high heels are definitely out of the question and make up is not an every day thing anymore. My body is different after childbirth. I am still trying to shift the last of my baby weight as I have had to adapt to a whole new exercise regime (I've devised my own little routine to do with Martha while she is in her baby sling. She LOVES it!). Breastfeeding has meant that my proportions are now different. I am larger in some places, more muscular in others. I have stretch-marks where previously there were none and although I wear my pre-baby clothes they don't fit quite as well as they used to.
But I've realised that I still do try to look nice. For me and for Hubby. But looking nice these days has taken on a different meaning. I will never look exactly as I did 2 years ago. And I'm alright with that. So now, I try to focus more on simply looking presentable, neat and clean.
I have a 'housewife uniform'. A series of floral or patterned skirts that I wear with plain t-shirts. I rotate these, keeping one clean 'uniform' at all times. It doesn't matter if they get dirty (which they will!) as they are not expensive, they are not 'for best' and I always have another to change into. Very handy for when the baby has thrown half her dinner over my shoulder and Hubby is due home in 10 minutes!
I prioritise the 10 minutes that it takes to jump in the shower each day and have a good wash. This might mean that Martha has to sit in her chair or in her basket with little to see or do. She might even cry a little. But I consider this is a necessary evil. Baby does always come first. But Mum shouldn't be entirely forgotten about either.
My hair is long thick and wavy. It needs a certain level of looking after or it is a mess. So each day after my shower I give it a quick brush and then put it in pigtails or a side-plait. Occasionally I wear a headscarf which works wonders for keeping it under control. This is ideal now that Martha has reached that hair-pulling stage!
In the 10 minutes before Hubby is due home, I brush my teeth again, wash my hands and face, re-do my hair if necessary, change my t-shirt is necessary and apply just a little touch of concealer and mascara if I have time. I spritz myself with some perfume or I apply some scented moisturiser.
So by the time he comes through the door at night, I am clean, neat and hopefully looking a little refreshed!
All in all, it only takes about 20 minutes throughout the day. Hardly a major imposition on my time. But it fulfils a few vital roles. Firstly, it sends a message to Hubby that although we are firmly settled into family life, I still wish for him to see me as attractive. There is a temptation for women to begin to see themselves as 'only' mothers once they have a baby. This can have a really negative impact on a marriage. The role of wife should always come first. And part of that role is making an effort with our appearance. It is a very un-PC thing to say, but I really think it is true. After all, how many women would still find their husbands just as attractive if they suddenly gained 50lbs and stopped showering every day?
And secondly, it really does make an impact on how I see myself. I may spend my days doing housework with a baby strapped to me, but that doesn't mean I have lost all sense of who I am as an individual. It doesn't mean that suddenly I don't matter any more or that my value has decreased. Taking those 20 minutes a day is a reminder that it is important that I take care of myself. And it is about a lot more than just looking pretty. Eating well, exercising and relaxing, taking the time to look presentable and attractive...those things all come under the same umbrella in my book. They are all vital ingredients of a happy, healthy life. And us mothers need to be happy and healthy. For our babies...for our families. They depend on us.
So I advised my friend to do whatever it takes to get those few precious moments during the day to spruce herself up. Her partner needs it. Her baby needs it. She needs it.
She wanted to know how I slot in time each day to attend to my appearance. As most new mothers can attest, finding even 10 minutes in which to have a quick shower can be a challenge. Trying to look attractive on top of that is even harder.
But her question reminded me that this is actually really important. Not only for ourselves, as women, but also for our husbands and marriages.
Certainly when Hubby first met me, I had plenty of time to make myself look presentable. I wore nice, smart, pretty clothes. I did my hair. I carefully applied my make up each day. I exercised regularly and tried to watch my weight (I'm not naturally predisposed to being slim..it takes me some effort to stay at a normal weight) I wore high heels and overall, I took care of myself.
Fast forward to now and well, things are a bit different. I have a young baby. I no longer have time to spend each day carefully grooming myself. Fancy clothes and high heels are definitely out of the question and make up is not an every day thing anymore. My body is different after childbirth. I am still trying to shift the last of my baby weight as I have had to adapt to a whole new exercise regime (I've devised my own little routine to do with Martha while she is in her baby sling. She LOVES it!). Breastfeeding has meant that my proportions are now different. I am larger in some places, more muscular in others. I have stretch-marks where previously there were none and although I wear my pre-baby clothes they don't fit quite as well as they used to.
But I've realised that I still do try to look nice. For me and for Hubby. But looking nice these days has taken on a different meaning. I will never look exactly as I did 2 years ago. And I'm alright with that. So now, I try to focus more on simply looking presentable, neat and clean.
I have a 'housewife uniform'. A series of floral or patterned skirts that I wear with plain t-shirts. I rotate these, keeping one clean 'uniform' at all times. It doesn't matter if they get dirty (which they will!) as they are not expensive, they are not 'for best' and I always have another to change into. Very handy for when the baby has thrown half her dinner over my shoulder and Hubby is due home in 10 minutes!
I prioritise the 10 minutes that it takes to jump in the shower each day and have a good wash. This might mean that Martha has to sit in her chair or in her basket with little to see or do. She might even cry a little. But I consider this is a necessary evil. Baby does always come first. But Mum shouldn't be entirely forgotten about either.
My hair is long thick and wavy. It needs a certain level of looking after or it is a mess. So each day after my shower I give it a quick brush and then put it in pigtails or a side-plait. Occasionally I wear a headscarf which works wonders for keeping it under control. This is ideal now that Martha has reached that hair-pulling stage!
In the 10 minutes before Hubby is due home, I brush my teeth again, wash my hands and face, re-do my hair if necessary, change my t-shirt is necessary and apply just a little touch of concealer and mascara if I have time. I spritz myself with some perfume or I apply some scented moisturiser.
So by the time he comes through the door at night, I am clean, neat and hopefully looking a little refreshed!
All in all, it only takes about 20 minutes throughout the day. Hardly a major imposition on my time. But it fulfils a few vital roles. Firstly, it sends a message to Hubby that although we are firmly settled into family life, I still wish for him to see me as attractive. There is a temptation for women to begin to see themselves as 'only' mothers once they have a baby. This can have a really negative impact on a marriage. The role of wife should always come first. And part of that role is making an effort with our appearance. It is a very un-PC thing to say, but I really think it is true. After all, how many women would still find their husbands just as attractive if they suddenly gained 50lbs and stopped showering every day?
And secondly, it really does make an impact on how I see myself. I may spend my days doing housework with a baby strapped to me, but that doesn't mean I have lost all sense of who I am as an individual. It doesn't mean that suddenly I don't matter any more or that my value has decreased. Taking those 20 minutes a day is a reminder that it is important that I take care of myself. And it is about a lot more than just looking pretty. Eating well, exercising and relaxing, taking the time to look presentable and attractive...those things all come under the same umbrella in my book. They are all vital ingredients of a happy, healthy life. And us mothers need to be happy and healthy. For our babies...for our families. They depend on us.
So I advised my friend to do whatever it takes to get those few precious moments during the day to spruce herself up. Her partner needs it. Her baby needs it. She needs it.
12 May, 2010
P.S
A word about comments. For the lovely people who commented on my post 'Gratitude' (thank you!) I did publish your remarks but for some unfathomable reason the number of comments displayed just beneath the post has not changed from 0. It says '0 comments' but in fact, if you click on the comments window, the comments are indeed there. As I said, I have no idea why this is...I.T and I never did mix that well!
:-)
:-)
A New Era
The last week has seen a monumental shift in British politics and, as a result, British society overall.
A new Conservative-Liberal coalition has been formed, one based on the principles of 'fairness, freedom and responsibility'. It's not come as welcome to all however. Large sways of the political parties as well as the general population feel uneasy about this new step. The last coalition government was formed 65 years ago, during war-time. How it will work in this day and age remains to be seen.
Still, I am hugely optimistic about the way the Conservatives and Liberals have vowed to put aside party differences and embrace 'a new politics' in the national interest.
I can't wait to see what Cameron and Clegg will do first and I deeply hope they live up to the expectations and aspirations of the British people. This country is in desperate need of reform. Not only in our politics but also in our homes, our education system, our financial system and just about everywhere else! 'Fairness, freedom and responsibility' have been missing for too long. It's time for a revival.
Bring On The Coalition!
A new Conservative-Liberal coalition has been formed, one based on the principles of 'fairness, freedom and responsibility'. It's not come as welcome to all however. Large sways of the political parties as well as the general population feel uneasy about this new step. The last coalition government was formed 65 years ago, during war-time. How it will work in this day and age remains to be seen.
Still, I am hugely optimistic about the way the Conservatives and Liberals have vowed to put aside party differences and embrace 'a new politics' in the national interest.
I can't wait to see what Cameron and Clegg will do first and I deeply hope they live up to the expectations and aspirations of the British people. This country is in desperate need of reform. Not only in our politics but also in our homes, our education system, our financial system and just about everywhere else! 'Fairness, freedom and responsibility' have been missing for too long. It's time for a revival.
Bring On The Coalition!
10 May, 2010
Gratitude
It's been an amazingly busy few weeks here! Various trips to visit family and friends, birthday parties, Christenings...there has been much celebration and cause to be glad.
This has also been a period of worry in some respects. A time for reviewing what is really important in life.
I frequently look back on my mistakes of the past and lament my poor choices. Motherhood has increased ten-fold my regrets and my resolve to live a better life. After all, I hope to do everything in my power to help my daughter avoid making the mistakes I have made.
And gratitude is a wonderful gift that really enables a person to remember that no matter how much they have sinned, they are also blessed.
Today I'm saying a prayer of gratitude for my wonderful family. For my daughter. My husband. My mother. My father. My sisters. My friends.
I hope to write a longer, more interesting post when time allows. For now, I just want to put this prayer out there into the world. I hope and believe He will hear me.
Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ, for all the benefits and blessings which you have given me, for all the pains and insults which you have borne for me. Merciful Friend, Brother and Redeemer, may I know you more clearly, love you more dearly, and follow you more nearly, day by day.
Saint Richard of Chichester
This has also been a period of worry in some respects. A time for reviewing what is really important in life.
I frequently look back on my mistakes of the past and lament my poor choices. Motherhood has increased ten-fold my regrets and my resolve to live a better life. After all, I hope to do everything in my power to help my daughter avoid making the mistakes I have made.
And gratitude is a wonderful gift that really enables a person to remember that no matter how much they have sinned, they are also blessed.
Today I'm saying a prayer of gratitude for my wonderful family. For my daughter. My husband. My mother. My father. My sisters. My friends.
I hope to write a longer, more interesting post when time allows. For now, I just want to put this prayer out there into the world. I hope and believe He will hear me.
Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ, for all the benefits and blessings which you have given me, for all the pains and insults which you have borne for me. Merciful Friend, Brother and Redeemer, may I know you more clearly, love you more dearly, and follow you more nearly, day by day.
Saint Richard of Chichester
27 April, 2010
Perfect
"A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act".
Mahatma Gandhi
23 April, 2010
Plan Bee
I'm not really an eco-warrior type. I'm too lazy if truth be told. But I am somewhat of an eco-worrier. I get rattled by reports and news stories about depleting fish populations and the devastating impact climate change is having on the beautiful polar bear.But these kinds of reports can often feel very far from home and they rarely spur me to actually do something...again, pure laziness on my part.
But occasionally, I stumble across a story that brings it all home and forces me to take action, however small. Sarah Brown (the PM's wife) did a fantastic piece in The Guardian the other week about the humble British bee and the trouble it is facing as a result of the migration to England of foreign, aggressive species of bee. The much gentler native British bee is dying out, or at least it will if nothing is done to help it.
There have been a few campaigns mounted already ('Plan Bee' being one of them...I just love that name!) but it's possible for even the laziest eco-worrier to get involved too. Simply by planting a few types of herbs and plants that our little bee friend likes to spend sunny afternoons with.
So last week that is what I did, thanks to a trip down the road to our local garden shop.
Parsley, thyme, basil mint, oregano, african daisies...I got a whole range of things which are currently languishing in plastic pots and old metal tins on our kitchen windowsill and patio until I can get them re-potted.
I've already spotted a few friendly buzzing creatures hovvering around them, even though they're not in flower...here's hoping they keep on coming!
Help Save Bees
Plan Bee
21 April, 2010
'Our' Poem
I want to try avoiding sounding pretentious or smug when I say this, but poetry has been and still is incredibly important to me. I have read it in times of great sadness and stress and I have also turned to it to help me express some of my happiest moments.
Although I have previously studied it from a purely academic view, I prefer now to simply to read it, think about it and engage with it. I don't analyse structure or context. I try only to enjoy it for the message it conveys.
The poem below is one of my all time favourites and it is really special to me. Lots of couples have a special song or movie that they consider 'theirs'. Hubby and I have a poem. This is it:
First Love
I ne'er was struck before that hour
With love so sudden and so sweet,
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
And stole my heart away complete.
My face turned pale as deadly pale.
My legs refused to walk away,
And when she looked, what could I ail?
My life and all seemed turned to clay.
And then my blood rushed to my face
And took my eyesight quite away,
The trees and bushes round the place
Seemed midnight at noonday.
I could not see a single thing,
Words from my eyes did start --
They spoke as chords do from the string,
And blood burnt round my heart.
Are flowers the winter's choice?
Is love's bed always snow?
She seemed to hear my silent voice,
Not love's appeals to know.
I never saw so sweet a face
As that I stood before.
My heart has left its dwelling-place
And can return no more.
John Clare (1793 - 1864)
Although I have previously studied it from a purely academic view, I prefer now to simply to read it, think about it and engage with it. I don't analyse structure or context. I try only to enjoy it for the message it conveys.
The poem below is one of my all time favourites and it is really special to me. Lots of couples have a special song or movie that they consider 'theirs'. Hubby and I have a poem. This is it:
First Love
I ne'er was struck before that hour
With love so sudden and so sweet,
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
And stole my heart away complete.
My face turned pale as deadly pale.
My legs refused to walk away,
And when she looked, what could I ail?
My life and all seemed turned to clay.
And then my blood rushed to my face
And took my eyesight quite away,
The trees and bushes round the place
Seemed midnight at noonday.
I could not see a single thing,
Words from my eyes did start --
They spoke as chords do from the string,
And blood burnt round my heart.
Are flowers the winter's choice?
Is love's bed always snow?
She seemed to hear my silent voice,
Not love's appeals to know.
I never saw so sweet a face
As that I stood before.
My heart has left its dwelling-place
And can return no more.
John Clare (1793 - 1864)
19 April, 2010
Living Small: It's A Blessing
I've thought for a while about writing about our house. Not because I think it's a terribly exciting, stylish or interesting house (it isn't) but simply because it's a good exercise in contentment. One of my least appealing traits is a tendency to always want to move on to the next thing; be that the next book, the next pregnancy or the next house. I struggle to just stay still, enjoy life as it is and wait patiently for events to unfold naturally.
This can have a negative impact on those around me. The times when I've pestered Hubby with questions about moving house and decorating are the times when our relationship has been strained. He takes it personally, which is understandable. By focusing my attention on 'upgrading', I am basically telling him that I am dissatisfied with what I've got and I don't appreciate the hard work it took him to build the life we have now. Ingratitude is an ugly thing...and a sin.
So I am resolved once and for all to put aside all of that selfishness and really celebrate the little home we live in and the life it gives us.
And indeed, living in small house does bring with it a great quality of life. In fact, for a stay at home mother (or wife) a small house is an absolute God-given gift! Just think about it...
1. Housework. It's pretty obvious I suppose, but with a smaller house comes less cleaning, tidying and housework which means in turn more time to devote to our families, friends, hobbies and relaxation or quiet prayer time. And who could say that is a bad thing?
2. Consumerism. This can be seen one of two ways, but I've decided that for me, this is definitely a blessing. Less room has to mean less stuff. If all you have in the way of storage is a tiny cupboard under the stairs then you have to think carefully before making any big home purchases. Everything has to have a designated place. The up-shot of this is there is less to organise and less to tidy up. Which again, means more time for the things that really matter in life...
3. Creativity. Working out how to store all your kitchen appliances when you've got a kitchen that measures 40 square foot is a challenge but it forces you to think outside the box and come up with original and creative solutions. These in turn become the stamps of individuality that add life and interest to a home. After all, no one wants to live in a cookie-cutter house...
4. Money. Perhaps the biggest blessing that comes from living in a small house is the financial benefit. It takes less money to heat and air-condition a small house, mortgage or rental payments are inevitably less and less space means less to furnish. The potential savings are quite significant. A small house enables families to live more within their means which provides an enormous boost to quality of life and overall happiness. Study after study has shown that once people have enough money to clothe and feed themselves adequately as well as keep a roof over their heads without worrying about the where the next pay-cheque is coming from, there is no more happiness to be gained from having more money.
There may well be more positives that I just haven't thought of. Certainly when I began to really think about all the benefits of living in a small space, I realised that there were more than I first thought.
But the overall result of all of them is the same. Living Small can bring about a much greater quality of life. If paying the bills can be achieved without too much worry and strain and housework done with time to spare, then the stay at home wife and mother has that much more time to pursue her interests or just be with her family. I don't want to pretend that there aren't challenges; of course there are, in any living situation. And I know for lots of people, affording even a really small house can be a difficulty in this economic climate, but
right now, in this moment, I want to focus on the real pleasures and blessings that a small house can bring to the lives of those that live in it. I am lucky enough to be one of those people. And I thank God for that gift.
"Sing praises to God, sing praises: sing praises unto our King, sing praises".
Psalm 47:6
This can have a negative impact on those around me. The times when I've pestered Hubby with questions about moving house and decorating are the times when our relationship has been strained. He takes it personally, which is understandable. By focusing my attention on 'upgrading', I am basically telling him that I am dissatisfied with what I've got and I don't appreciate the hard work it took him to build the life we have now. Ingratitude is an ugly thing...and a sin.
So I am resolved once and for all to put aside all of that selfishness and really celebrate the little home we live in and the life it gives us.
And indeed, living in small house does bring with it a great quality of life. In fact, for a stay at home mother (or wife) a small house is an absolute God-given gift! Just think about it...
1. Housework. It's pretty obvious I suppose, but with a smaller house comes less cleaning, tidying and housework which means in turn more time to devote to our families, friends, hobbies and relaxation or quiet prayer time. And who could say that is a bad thing?
2. Consumerism. This can be seen one of two ways, but I've decided that for me, this is definitely a blessing. Less room has to mean less stuff. If all you have in the way of storage is a tiny cupboard under the stairs then you have to think carefully before making any big home purchases. Everything has to have a designated place. The up-shot of this is there is less to organise and less to tidy up. Which again, means more time for the things that really matter in life...
3. Creativity. Working out how to store all your kitchen appliances when you've got a kitchen that measures 40 square foot is a challenge but it forces you to think outside the box and come up with original and creative solutions. These in turn become the stamps of individuality that add life and interest to a home. After all, no one wants to live in a cookie-cutter house...
4. Money. Perhaps the biggest blessing that comes from living in a small house is the financial benefit. It takes less money to heat and air-condition a small house, mortgage or rental payments are inevitably less and less space means less to furnish. The potential savings are quite significant. A small house enables families to live more within their means which provides an enormous boost to quality of life and overall happiness. Study after study has shown that once people have enough money to clothe and feed themselves adequately as well as keep a roof over their heads without worrying about the where the next pay-cheque is coming from, there is no more happiness to be gained from having more money.
There may well be more positives that I just haven't thought of. Certainly when I began to really think about all the benefits of living in a small space, I realised that there were more than I first thought.
But the overall result of all of them is the same. Living Small can bring about a much greater quality of life. If paying the bills can be achieved without too much worry and strain and housework done with time to spare, then the stay at home wife and mother has that much more time to pursue her interests or just be with her family. I don't want to pretend that there aren't challenges; of course there are, in any living situation. And I know for lots of people, affording even a really small house can be a difficulty in this economic climate, but
right now, in this moment, I want to focus on the real pleasures and blessings that a small house can bring to the lives of those that live in it. I am lucky enough to be one of those people. And I thank God for that gift.
"Sing praises to God, sing praises: sing praises unto our King, sing praises".
Psalm 47:6
14 April, 2010
Living Small
It's nice to have friends in high places. But it's nicer to have friends in small places.
We are a family of 3 people and 1 cat and we live in a 2 bed 370sq. ft. home. Whilst I was pregnant, we had assumed that we would move as soon as we possibly could, thinking as we did that there was no real way we could raise a family in a house as small as ours. I lamented the lack of garden space, the steep stairs and narrow door frames.
But 7 months after our daughter's birth we are still here and not only that, but we are actually enjoying the challenges and blessings of 'living small'. It encourages us to de-clutter, get rid of things we don't need or use and to make do. A life with less material things means life can be filled with the things that actually matter; loving other people. And I have no qualms about adding another member to our family while we're here...in fact, I think it could be really fun.
That said, if Hubby walked in the room right now and told me that we were moving to a smaller place, I'd probably be reluctant, to put it mildly. I have the desire to live radically, but I'm just too much of a wimp when it comes to actually doing it. The spirit is willing...but this flesh is really weak.
But through some good friends of ours, I am able to glimpse a life altogether more small and radical than any I could envisage for myself. Hubby's best childhood friend and best friend to this day moved to Japan in his 20's. He loved the culture and having a knack for languages he decided to teach English as a foreign language over there. He met a woman, they fell in love and they married. A few years later came their first baby, an adorable little girl.
Prior to marrying they had rented a tiny apartment in one of the major Japanese cities. It consisted of a kitchenette, a shower room, and a main room divided by a sliding partition wall which was used for eating, socialising and sleeping. All in all, they had about 150sq. ft. at their disposable. Oh, and a tiny little balcony to keep a few potted plants on. When they discovered they were expecting their daughter, many Western friends and family naturally assumed they would move somewhere bigger. They were wrong. They stayed in their same apartment after the birth of their baby, embracing the Japanese tradition of co-sleeping with their baby on little tatami mats. Never mind a cot, they didn't have so much as a bed. Radical stuff to your average Westerner, sleeping in his double king-size four poster bed.
I often find myself thinking about them, wondering if they experience the kind of discontent with their surroundings that I can sometimes find myself selfishly harboring. But something tells me they don't bother with such nonsense. When they visited our home for the first time, back when Hubby lived here alone, his friend's wife was astonished at the amount of space...all these rooms, for only 1 person! Far from believing herself to be missing out, she expressed disbelief that anyone could really need and use a house this size.
This is such an inspiring attitude. And whilst our Japanese friend has the benefit of her cultural background affirming her views, it's not impossible for a Westerner to adopt a similar attitude, even in a culture which prizes materialism above pretty much everything else.
So I'm going to set myself a little blogging challenge. I want to write about our little house, about what it means to 'live small'; the difficulties, the benefits and what can be gained from it. We are committed to staying in our home until the right time to move, possibly even until we can pay off what's left of the mortgage. And so I'm determined to treat this place like my dream home and build the life we so want, one day at a time.
This online diary is the perfect place to catalogue this journey and to really delight in building a home that serves us as a family. Living Small is the way to go.
I can't wait to start!
We are a family of 3 people and 1 cat and we live in a 2 bed 370sq. ft. home. Whilst I was pregnant, we had assumed that we would move as soon as we possibly could, thinking as we did that there was no real way we could raise a family in a house as small as ours. I lamented the lack of garden space, the steep stairs and narrow door frames.
But 7 months after our daughter's birth we are still here and not only that, but we are actually enjoying the challenges and blessings of 'living small'. It encourages us to de-clutter, get rid of things we don't need or use and to make do. A life with less material things means life can be filled with the things that actually matter; loving other people. And I have no qualms about adding another member to our family while we're here...in fact, I think it could be really fun.
That said, if Hubby walked in the room right now and told me that we were moving to a smaller place, I'd probably be reluctant, to put it mildly. I have the desire to live radically, but I'm just too much of a wimp when it comes to actually doing it. The spirit is willing...but this flesh is really weak.
But through some good friends of ours, I am able to glimpse a life altogether more small and radical than any I could envisage for myself. Hubby's best childhood friend and best friend to this day moved to Japan in his 20's. He loved the culture and having a knack for languages he decided to teach English as a foreign language over there. He met a woman, they fell in love and they married. A few years later came their first baby, an adorable little girl.
Prior to marrying they had rented a tiny apartment in one of the major Japanese cities. It consisted of a kitchenette, a shower room, and a main room divided by a sliding partition wall which was used for eating, socialising and sleeping. All in all, they had about 150sq. ft. at their disposable. Oh, and a tiny little balcony to keep a few potted plants on. When they discovered they were expecting their daughter, many Western friends and family naturally assumed they would move somewhere bigger. They were wrong. They stayed in their same apartment after the birth of their baby, embracing the Japanese tradition of co-sleeping with their baby on little tatami mats. Never mind a cot, they didn't have so much as a bed. Radical stuff to your average Westerner, sleeping in his double king-size four poster bed.
I often find myself thinking about them, wondering if they experience the kind of discontent with their surroundings that I can sometimes find myself selfishly harboring. But something tells me they don't bother with such nonsense. When they visited our home for the first time, back when Hubby lived here alone, his friend's wife was astonished at the amount of space...all these rooms, for only 1 person! Far from believing herself to be missing out, she expressed disbelief that anyone could really need and use a house this size.
This is such an inspiring attitude. And whilst our Japanese friend has the benefit of her cultural background affirming her views, it's not impossible for a Westerner to adopt a similar attitude, even in a culture which prizes materialism above pretty much everything else.
So I'm going to set myself a little blogging challenge. I want to write about our little house, about what it means to 'live small'; the difficulties, the benefits and what can be gained from it. We are committed to staying in our home until the right time to move, possibly even until we can pay off what's left of the mortgage. And so I'm determined to treat this place like my dream home and build the life we so want, one day at a time.
This online diary is the perfect place to catalogue this journey and to really delight in building a home that serves us as a family. Living Small is the way to go.
I can't wait to start!
13 April, 2010
Labour Pains
I have a chronic case of hindsight-itus. I daily recount to myself lists of things I would do differently were I ever to find myself in a familiar situation.
Childbirth is right up there at the top of my list. My first and so far only pregnancy (though I can't wait for number 2!) went swimmingly well, all things considered. The morning sickness was pretty chronic but once I hit 21 weeks it was all but over and Baby and I were really very healthy indeed. No varicose veins, no serious odema, no digestive problems...none of the usual maladies that pregnant women often face.
Very early on I had looked into the possibility of a home-birth and my obstetrician had agreed that provided all continued to go well, there was no reason I shouldn't have one. But as the pregnancy progressed and reached it's final few months, I changed my mind. I wanted the assurance of doctors and nurses around me. I wanted to know that if anything did go wrong and my baby was unwell, there would be no waiting for an ambulance and we could be attended to immediately. And although it's very unfashionable to say so, I am thoroughly thankful I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital.
Labour was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Sometime in the week between my last check up with the midwife and the start of labour, Martha had shifted position and she had her back facing mine. She was a posterior baby. The subsequent backache that ensued during the labour was so extreme and so constant that I don't even remember having contractions. The pain did not subside, even for a minute. I lasted for about 14 hours before I was given an epidural, at my own request. The pain was numbed, but the exhaustion went on. My memories of what happened in the final few hours are few and far between. I remember being told to push...so I did. I remember that happening only three times. Hubby informs me that I pushed for about 90 minutes in total and that my pushing was effective. Next I remember a woman, a doctor, asking me what I wanted her to do. I told her I just wanted it to be over. Hubby has since told me that in fact, there was a team of doctors who had been called by the midwife who was concerned by my escalating blood pressure. They discussed what they should do for about 10 minutes before finally, this woman stepped in and informed the others that she was 'going to deliver this baby right now'.
Finally, I remember her standing at the foot of the bed, there was a table next to her, there were some metal instruments on it. She told me I would need to push one final time. I did. And with that Martha was born...and I walked out of the birthing room with stitches and a bruised baby.
All in all, the whole thing lasted a not unreasonable 24 hours...of which I remember probably half an hour.
And like I said, I am thoroughly glad I chose the hospital route for my first birth. The experience was grim, for sure, but I strongly doubt I would have coped at home.
But next time, I want to do things differently. I made no detailed birth plan for Martha. I had no idea what I was up against. I decided going with the flow was the best policy. I read about labour but I deliberately chose to limit my reading to the physicalities of birth. The philosophies and politics surrounding it I largely ignored. But for my next baby, I feel ready to think more about the labour experience in a philosophical way, I want to arm myself with mental and physical strategies to cope with the pain. Now I know what I'm facing, I feel I can tackle it head on and really be mentally prepared.
And so I'm starting with a book called Childbirth Without Fear which is co-authored by Michel Odent and Grantly Dick-Read. I've heard good things about it and it seems Michel Odent is something of an expert on the subject...fingers crossed it lives up to the hype! There is a whole raft of literature on this subject, this book is just one of many. I have alot of reading ahead of me and a fair bit of thinking too. And since I do not know when I might become pregnant (Hubby and I are not 'planning' or 'spacing') or indeed if I even will, this journey could be a long one.
I realise as I am reaching the end of this post that there is no 'point' to it. I usually try (try being the operative word!) to wrap up my posts with a conclusion of some sort. But for this post, I'm a bit stuck really. Perhaps this is a good thing though. Labour and childbirth aren't the sorts of experience that can be wrapped up nicely in the mind and put away until next time. At least, not for me. For better or worse, my first birth experience changed me quite radically and it will no doubt inform my views on any and all subsequent labours. And I'm nowhere even close to getting 'closure' on the subject.
So I'll end this post as I do alot, with a quotation from Someone who knows just what to say and how to say it.
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness".
Isaiah 41:10
Childbirth is right up there at the top of my list. My first and so far only pregnancy (though I can't wait for number 2!) went swimmingly well, all things considered. The morning sickness was pretty chronic but once I hit 21 weeks it was all but over and Baby and I were really very healthy indeed. No varicose veins, no serious odema, no digestive problems...none of the usual maladies that pregnant women often face.
Very early on I had looked into the possibility of a home-birth and my obstetrician had agreed that provided all continued to go well, there was no reason I shouldn't have one. But as the pregnancy progressed and reached it's final few months, I changed my mind. I wanted the assurance of doctors and nurses around me. I wanted to know that if anything did go wrong and my baby was unwell, there would be no waiting for an ambulance and we could be attended to immediately. And although it's very unfashionable to say so, I am thoroughly thankful I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital.
Labour was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Sometime in the week between my last check up with the midwife and the start of labour, Martha had shifted position and she had her back facing mine. She was a posterior baby. The subsequent backache that ensued during the labour was so extreme and so constant that I don't even remember having contractions. The pain did not subside, even for a minute. I lasted for about 14 hours before I was given an epidural, at my own request. The pain was numbed, but the exhaustion went on. My memories of what happened in the final few hours are few and far between. I remember being told to push...so I did. I remember that happening only three times. Hubby informs me that I pushed for about 90 minutes in total and that my pushing was effective. Next I remember a woman, a doctor, asking me what I wanted her to do. I told her I just wanted it to be over. Hubby has since told me that in fact, there was a team of doctors who had been called by the midwife who was concerned by my escalating blood pressure. They discussed what they should do for about 10 minutes before finally, this woman stepped in and informed the others that she was 'going to deliver this baby right now'.
Finally, I remember her standing at the foot of the bed, there was a table next to her, there were some metal instruments on it. She told me I would need to push one final time. I did. And with that Martha was born...and I walked out of the birthing room with stitches and a bruised baby.
All in all, the whole thing lasted a not unreasonable 24 hours...of which I remember probably half an hour.
And like I said, I am thoroughly glad I chose the hospital route for my first birth. The experience was grim, for sure, but I strongly doubt I would have coped at home.
But next time, I want to do things differently. I made no detailed birth plan for Martha. I had no idea what I was up against. I decided going with the flow was the best policy. I read about labour but I deliberately chose to limit my reading to the physicalities of birth. The philosophies and politics surrounding it I largely ignored. But for my next baby, I feel ready to think more about the labour experience in a philosophical way, I want to arm myself with mental and physical strategies to cope with the pain. Now I know what I'm facing, I feel I can tackle it head on and really be mentally prepared.
And so I'm starting with a book called Childbirth Without Fear which is co-authored by Michel Odent and Grantly Dick-Read. I've heard good things about it and it seems Michel Odent is something of an expert on the subject...fingers crossed it lives up to the hype! There is a whole raft of literature on this subject, this book is just one of many. I have alot of reading ahead of me and a fair bit of thinking too. And since I do not know when I might become pregnant (Hubby and I are not 'planning' or 'spacing') or indeed if I even will, this journey could be a long one.
I realise as I am reaching the end of this post that there is no 'point' to it. I usually try (try being the operative word!) to wrap up my posts with a conclusion of some sort. But for this post, I'm a bit stuck really. Perhaps this is a good thing though. Labour and childbirth aren't the sorts of experience that can be wrapped up nicely in the mind and put away until next time. At least, not for me. For better or worse, my first birth experience changed me quite radically and it will no doubt inform my views on any and all subsequent labours. And I'm nowhere even close to getting 'closure' on the subject.
So I'll end this post as I do alot, with a quotation from Someone who knows just what to say and how to say it.
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness".
Isaiah 41:10
12 April, 2010
The Domestic Church
"As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live".
Pope John Paul II
10 April, 2010
Spring Saturday
I am full of the joys of Spring this week, as anyone who has been reading my blog or hearing me drone on can confirm (poor Hubby, he's heard about little else all week...).But there is one thing I enjoy even more than a beautiful, sunny Spring day and that is a beautiful, sunny Spring Saturday! Yes, indeed. The weekend is here at last, we can kick off our shoes, forget our woes and head outdoors for some rest and relaxation.
And it's been a bit of an exciting Saturday for us here in our little corner of England for it is the first 'al fresco' lunch of the year and the first ever 'al fresco' lunch for Martha. I love to sit outside on a day like today, sipping tea and listening to the birds...with the occasional noisy car driving by (we are in a city after all!).
And when the weather turns really nice, I love nothing more than to throw a bright tablecloth over our patio table and plan a pleasant, summery lunch for us to enjoy in the sunshine.
Which is just what I did today, with these pretty daffodils keeping us company.......bliss........
Wishing everyone a happy, warm, sunny Saturday!
09 April, 2010
Martha's First Spring
Spring is my absolute favourite time of the year. The colours, the sunshine...I find it quite magical. And this Spring is particularly welcome, after such a long, hard winter.
It is also Martha's first Spring and I'm really keen to demonstrate to her just how beautiful this season is.
And so our little garden is already becoming packed with various kinds of flowers, shrubs and plants. But this year I have tried to bring a bit more of the season indoors as well.
A trip today to our local florist has provided our mantelpiece with the most beautiful dashes of Spring-time colour.
A perfect way to start the season.
And a perfect display to celebrate Martha's first Spring.
08 April, 2010
Home Sweet Home
Today is our second day back at home after our Easter weekend away. And what a weekend! We're still recovering from so much travelling, rich food and excitement. We're tired, sleepy and dopey. Sounds like a run down of Snow White's Dwarfs...But that said, it is nice to be back home, especially now that Spring has really arrived and the place looks so green and colourful.
This afternoon I decided to relax and enjoy being in my own space again by getting out my sewing machine and trying my hand at a little something: a tea-towel. Nothing exciting. But it worked out well and the fabric is just perfect for Spring. It definitely looks at home in our sunny kitchen.
It's been a Happy Easter season indeed!
31 March, 2010
What A Flapper
I normally really dislike the 'day before travelling'. We're due to go to my folks for Easter and today is the final day before we make the long journey up to their farm.Normally, I get into a flap the day before, worrying about whether we've packed enough clothes for the baby and trying to make enough food to last the journey so we won't have to buy horrid service station sandwiches. I usually find myself doing endless rounds of laundry in the week leading up to Travel Day...telling myself that it is probably is a good idea to wash every single pair of socks and underwear, just in case 'something comes up' and we need to take it all.
Of, and of course we will want to come home to fresh, clean bedding and towels, so that'll all have to go in the the wash as well.
Yes indeed, I am not happy to leave my home until floors are washed, toilets are bleached and scrubbed and everything is dusted and shined. I think I'm being organised. Hubby thinks I'm nuts.
But today, I've decided to take Hubby's advice and chill out. He has gently reminded* me on many an occasion that taking it upon myself to spring clean the whole house simply because we're going away for a weekend is hardly a very Christian thing to do, since it only leaves me tired and irritable. Point taken. So today I have only been doing the necessary...with great results!
I've been a kitchen dweller this morning, baking some goodies to take for family and cooking up a soup for lunch with all the ingredients from the fridge that need to be gone by the time we get back. And it makes for quite a pleasant scene. I love a hour or two spent in the kitchen on a sunny day like today, glancing at the flowering lavender just outside the kitchen window.
It reminded me of a really lovely Scriptural quote from Job 37:14:
"Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God".
Life is so much better in slower motion...God says so!
So here's to another beautiful Spring day! Courtesy of Our Friend...
Hubby doesn't really do 'gentle' so this admonishment tends to lean towards something like; "Calm down, you're getting yourself in a flap...it's only a cake after all". Usually accompanied by a much wanted hug...he is the best.
30 March, 2010
Spring Into Action
March has been a busy month it seems, looking at the number of times I've posted on 'The Vineyard'.
And it's set to get busier still as Hubby, Martha and I career our way up to the north of England to spend the Easter season with family. I can't wait.
It's hard for me to believe that Easter is nearly here...Lent is nearly over...Spring really has arrived (just about!).
I'm delighted though because for me, this is the best time of year. Easter brings with it so much celebration, hope, renewal and inspiration. Flowers bloom, the trees become green...nature itself seems to celebrate the beauty of the Resurrection. Everything seems re-born.
It's also the perfect season to start afresh, make plans and approach life with new vigour and motivation.
Since I will be spending another summer here in our little patch of land, I have big plans for our currently unfinished garden...I'm envisioning rows of potted plants, a little vegetable patch, a finished fence (glances tentatively at Hubby...;-) and a pretty wrought iron gate. Once the warmer weather is here to stay I intend to start!
Life can't get any better than this. God is really, very good indeed.
And it's set to get busier still as Hubby, Martha and I career our way up to the north of England to spend the Easter season with family. I can't wait.
It's hard for me to believe that Easter is nearly here...Lent is nearly over...Spring really has arrived (just about!).
I'm delighted though because for me, this is the best time of year. Easter brings with it so much celebration, hope, renewal and inspiration. Flowers bloom, the trees become green...nature itself seems to celebrate the beauty of the Resurrection. Everything seems re-born.
It's also the perfect season to start afresh, make plans and approach life with new vigour and motivation.
Since I will be spending another summer here in our little patch of land, I have big plans for our currently unfinished garden...I'm envisioning rows of potted plants, a little vegetable patch, a finished fence (glances tentatively at Hubby...;-) and a pretty wrought iron gate. Once the warmer weather is here to stay I intend to start!
Life can't get any better than this. God is really, very good indeed.
28 March, 2010
What's The Alternative?
What I mean is we're interested in people who eschew the so called usual way of doing things and seek alternatives that focus on producing a better quality of life. This almost invariably means cultivating a sense of contentment with the simpler things in life and making a concious choice not to be a slave to money and consumerism. We've tried to adopt this own culture within our family, feeling as we do that our daughter and future children will probably benefit, spiritually and emotionally.
I'm not saying we always manage this however. Me? I have an unhealthy penchant for 'pretty things', retro kitchenware, coffee table books, expensive food and the such. And my new financial status as a stay at home mother does not lend itself to this. I sometimes forget that I can no longer just go to London for the day at a moment's notice or have a lunchtime splurge in a quirky home-wares store. I'm on a steep learning curve.
Hubby on the other hand, struggles with reconciling his serious dislike for cynical capitalism and his desire to make enough money so that he need not work 12 plus hours a day in a stressful job. He's been there, done that and got the t-shirt.
What we both hope to achieve is a family life where family really does come before jobs and money. We want to find the balance between giving our children the necessary things in life and striving for more simply to fulfil our own selfish ambitions.
Nowhere is this emotional battleground more prolific than in our home...we're a family or 3 (4 if you count the cat) living in a small 2 bed mid-terrace. Hubby bought this house for himself about 6 years ago, as a young single man enjoying the freedoms of his then bachelor life. And for a single guy, this place is perfect. It's really close to the city centre, within walking distance of work and all the shops and night-life. There was ample room for everything he wanted and needed plus enough space for guests to stay over in the spare bedroom. He bought it as an empty shell of a house and slowly worked on it, eventually producing a perfect bachelor pad. Think minimalist furniture, lots of chrome and dark wood. He held parties here, got to know his neighbours and spent many happy Saturday evenings holed up on the couch with a bottle of red listening to Bob Harris on Radio 2.
I'm proud of Hubby for many reasons, but working flat out and saving every last penny so that he could buy his own home and build a nest egg for his future is something really special I think. And as a result, this house is, rightly, very important to him.
Me, on the other hand, well I came into a much loved and completely 'finished' house that had a very specific look and lay-out. Which is a little unfortunate really, since my own collection of objects leans rather dramatically towards the quirky and colourful. I love bright tea-pots and floral cake tins...tea-towels are much better when shaded in candy colours and nothing in this world can beat a big vase of fresh flowers.
Because of this clash of tastes, we have both on many occasions had to make compromises and sacrifice things we love to keep the place looking relatively neat and orderly.
But no matter how much stuff we get rid of, this place is a real squeeze for 2 adults, 1 baby and a feline friend. Or at least it feels that way to me at times...
We have been discussing moving since last year. And as the months tick by, I am getting more and more antsy to do it. Patience is not my strong point. Hubby though, ever cool, calm and collected is adamant that we will wait until conditions are just right. No hasty decisions, NO risky business. He is of course, completely right and at the last count, we might be in a new house by the end of the summer...subject to conditions!
So I am looking at a good few more months in our little home...and it is here that I really need reminding about what it is I am really striving for in life. This is where my interest and my high regard for those maverick, 'alternative lifestyle' folks comes in very handy.
I know, deep down, that bigger houses and pretty things don't actually make people happier. They just make life more convenient sometimes. Life is what you make it and a positive attitude is all that is needed to foster a spirit of contentment and cheerfulness. Galatians 5:22 in the NT speaks so beautifully about the fruits of the Holy Spirit...and of course joy and peace are amongst them. Contentment isn't just a way of life. It is God's will for our lives.
Luckily for me, blog-land is absolutely bursting with folks who have mastered the art of appreciation and live really full, happy, productive, Spirit-filled lives in situations that would turn alot of people into miserable, hard-done-bys. In fact, some of these folks seek out living conditions that challenge them to find contentment and fulfilment in the simple things.
And in my view, this family have absolutely cracked it. They are a Christian family of 4, who having sold their comfortable 3 bedroom home, rented a tiny 1 bed flat before deciding to radically down-size and travel around for a year in an RV. Did I mention that they just had their second baby?
Contentment absolutely abounds in the writings of this woman! Her life is a huge inspiration to me to quit whinging, stop looking ahead to 'the next step' and start appreciating how immensely lucky I am to have a comfortable, warm, safe house in which to raise my daughter.
I too, want to be filled with the fruits of the Spirit.
http://walkslowlylivewildly.com/
'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control'. Galatians 5:22
25 March, 2010
Keeping The Peace
My daughter is now nearly 7 months old and I am already looking forward to having our next baby (but no...it hasn't happened yet!).
Before Martha was born, even while I was pregnant in fact, I found it hard to imagine life with a baby. I had never so much as held a newborn, let alone cared for one. Being with a baby (and not just any baby, but my baby) for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week seemed really quite incredible.
Now that I have grown accustomed to my new life as a mother, I'm excited about the prospect of our little girl becoming a big sister.
I'm not naive though. I'm aware that more children equals more work. And since Martha is...how shall I say...high maintenance, I've probably got my work cut out for me.
Life with a baby is never easy and indeed I have found in some ways that I have to work harder the older Martha gets. She is no longer content just to sit in her baby sling while I do some work or send an email or go for a walk. Now that she's "all grown up" she has opinions about what she wants to see and do and she's not afraid to express them! So instead of having a nap while I rustle up some biscuits in the kitchen or do the hoovering, Martha now makes attempts to get involved, by reaching out to put her hand in the mixing bowl or to grab a picture frame off the mantelpiece. Putting her down in her chair with her toys doesn't help much either. They keep her entertained for about 5 minutes or so, until she tires of them and wants something new. Children are most definitely hedonistic creatures!
So we have had to adapt to a new routine in the last few weeks. Martha now spends a lot of time strapped to my hip in her baby sling, but instead of just following Mummy around all day, she now listens to Mummy singing songs and explaining what activities we're engaged in. At various points during the day, the sling comes off and out come the baby books for a little story time. We've come a long way since those colicky first three months...
And it has occured to me that this is the real "trick" to motherhood...adapting. For if anything is certain (apart from death and taxes) it's that children will change as they grow. What suited one week will inevitably not suit the next. Just when you think you've cracked it, your little bundle of joy changes the goal posts and you find you're playing an entirely different game.
So I've made a promise to myself to just roll with the punches. Take each day as it comes. Getting hung up about a burned cake that couldn't be rescued from the oven in time due to a screaming baby is far more hassle than it is worth.
St. Paul's letter to Titus in the NT is a great encouragement for women who wish to dedicate their talents and lives to motherhood and family life...Titus 2 could even be regarded as the home-makers manual. We all know the admonishments...women are to love their husbands, love their children and be home-makers. But isn't it curious that in amongst what seems like quite a list of "chores", no where does it mention that we have to have perfect houses, or bake perfect cakes or remember to dust that spot on the bookshelf that always gets forgotten? It seems no provision is made for over-achievement...or any practical achievement for that matter. And it makes perfect sense really. For example, I would much rather eat a microwave meal that took 5 minutes to 'cook' with a smiling, happy, cheerful person sitting opposite me, than eat a 5 course, lavish, gourmet meal with a stony-faced, silent 'companion' . What matters to God and to our families is not how many jobs we accomplish on a given day, what matters is our manner and our attitude. A smiling face, a peaceful home and a content family is a far greater end of day result than a spotless house and a tense atmosphere.
This Scriptural 'loophole' is the assurance women today often need to hear. It tells us that it's ok to have more than 2.4 children. We won't need to hire a cleaner or a nanny if we have 6 kids. We won't need to have completed a course in home organisation and baby care if we choose not to space our children.
And it's my belief that where God leads, men usually follow(I'd like to emphasise the usually!). Most men might have some basic expectations of how they want their home to be...they might some stipulations about the meals they eat or how they like their laundry done. But what I'm willing to bet my last penny on is that the vast, vast majority of men would rather be greeted at the door by a smiling happy woman and a slightly messy house than by a spotlessly clean and ordered home and a woman who is so tired and frazzled that she can barely raise a smile, let alone a hug and a kiss.
The myth of the perfect housewife is just that. A myth. It's a popular myth granted...all over the media, we are bombarded with images of women who seem to do it all. They look amazing, they have perfect relationships, their homes are immaculate, their children well behaved. But I stand convinced of the deceit propagated by these portrayals.
True home-making has little to do with baking and sweeping and the such like. It is a state of mind. It is an attitude. It is the motivation to create a place of sanctuary for those we love. It is the intention to make a peaceful haven from the world, where peace and harmony rule.
And in that place, it doesn't matter where you have 1 baby or 14. All that matters is that you aim every day to keep the peace that God offers you.
And to top it all off...He'll even help you to do it.
"Seek peace, and pursue it".
Proverbs 34:14
Before Martha was born, even while I was pregnant in fact, I found it hard to imagine life with a baby. I had never so much as held a newborn, let alone cared for one. Being with a baby (and not just any baby, but my baby) for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week seemed really quite incredible.
Now that I have grown accustomed to my new life as a mother, I'm excited about the prospect of our little girl becoming a big sister.
I'm not naive though. I'm aware that more children equals more work. And since Martha is...how shall I say...high maintenance, I've probably got my work cut out for me.
Life with a baby is never easy and indeed I have found in some ways that I have to work harder the older Martha gets. She is no longer content just to sit in her baby sling while I do some work or send an email or go for a walk. Now that she's "all grown up" she has opinions about what she wants to see and do and she's not afraid to express them! So instead of having a nap while I rustle up some biscuits in the kitchen or do the hoovering, Martha now makes attempts to get involved, by reaching out to put her hand in the mixing bowl or to grab a picture frame off the mantelpiece. Putting her down in her chair with her toys doesn't help much either. They keep her entertained for about 5 minutes or so, until she tires of them and wants something new. Children are most definitely hedonistic creatures!
So we have had to adapt to a new routine in the last few weeks. Martha now spends a lot of time strapped to my hip in her baby sling, but instead of just following Mummy around all day, she now listens to Mummy singing songs and explaining what activities we're engaged in. At various points during the day, the sling comes off and out come the baby books for a little story time. We've come a long way since those colicky first three months...
And it has occured to me that this is the real "trick" to motherhood...adapting. For if anything is certain (apart from death and taxes) it's that children will change as they grow. What suited one week will inevitably not suit the next. Just when you think you've cracked it, your little bundle of joy changes the goal posts and you find you're playing an entirely different game.
So I've made a promise to myself to just roll with the punches. Take each day as it comes. Getting hung up about a burned cake that couldn't be rescued from the oven in time due to a screaming baby is far more hassle than it is worth.
St. Paul's letter to Titus in the NT is a great encouragement for women who wish to dedicate their talents and lives to motherhood and family life...Titus 2 could even be regarded as the home-makers manual. We all know the admonishments...women are to love their husbands, love their children and be home-makers. But isn't it curious that in amongst what seems like quite a list of "chores", no where does it mention that we have to have perfect houses, or bake perfect cakes or remember to dust that spot on the bookshelf that always gets forgotten? It seems no provision is made for over-achievement...or any practical achievement for that matter. And it makes perfect sense really. For example, I would much rather eat a microwave meal that took 5 minutes to 'cook' with a smiling, happy, cheerful person sitting opposite me, than eat a 5 course, lavish, gourmet meal with a stony-faced, silent 'companion' . What matters to God and to our families is not how many jobs we accomplish on a given day, what matters is our manner and our attitude. A smiling face, a peaceful home and a content family is a far greater end of day result than a spotless house and a tense atmosphere.
This Scriptural 'loophole' is the assurance women today often need to hear. It tells us that it's ok to have more than 2.4 children. We won't need to hire a cleaner or a nanny if we have 6 kids. We won't need to have completed a course in home organisation and baby care if we choose not to space our children.
And it's my belief that where God leads, men usually follow(I'd like to emphasise the usually!). Most men might have some basic expectations of how they want their home to be...they might some stipulations about the meals they eat or how they like their laundry done. But what I'm willing to bet my last penny on is that the vast, vast majority of men would rather be greeted at the door by a smiling happy woman and a slightly messy house than by a spotlessly clean and ordered home and a woman who is so tired and frazzled that she can barely raise a smile, let alone a hug and a kiss.
The myth of the perfect housewife is just that. A myth. It's a popular myth granted...all over the media, we are bombarded with images of women who seem to do it all. They look amazing, they have perfect relationships, their homes are immaculate, their children well behaved. But I stand convinced of the deceit propagated by these portrayals.
True home-making has little to do with baking and sweeping and the such like. It is a state of mind. It is an attitude. It is the motivation to create a place of sanctuary for those we love. It is the intention to make a peaceful haven from the world, where peace and harmony rule.
And in that place, it doesn't matter where you have 1 baby or 14. All that matters is that you aim every day to keep the peace that God offers you.
And to top it all off...He'll even help you to do it.
"Seek peace, and pursue it".
Proverbs 34:14
23 March, 2010
'And The Days Are Not Full Enough...'
"And the days are not full enough
And the nights are not full enough
And life slips by like a field mouse
Never shaking the grass".
The above poem by Ezra Pound seems to sum up the year so far...Martha is growing too fast for me to keep up, Hubby has begun a new phase in his work life. Friends are getting married, having babies...some friends have passed away.
Life really does slip by. You make plans, and then you find God has His own plans in store for you.
We religious types are a lucky bunch though. God is constant and faithful, come rain or shine, through life and through death. His promise to us stands true, no matter what He has planned for us.
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid". John 14:27
Today, the sun is shining, the winter is over and a new day has begun. May it bring peace to all who are troubled and all who have lost hope.
22 March, 2010
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