Keeping The Peace

My daughter is now nearly 7 months old and I am already looking forward to having our next baby (but no...it hasn't happened yet!).

Before Martha was born, even while I was pregnant in fact, I found it hard to imagine life with a baby. I had never so much as held a newborn, let alone cared for one. Being with a baby (and not just any baby, but my baby) for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week seemed really quite incredible.

Now that I have grown accustomed to my new life as a mother, I'm excited about the prospect of our little girl becoming a big sister.

I'm not naive though. I'm aware that more children equals more work. And since Martha is...how shall I say...high maintenance, I've probably got my work cut out for me.

Life with a baby is never easy and indeed I have found in some ways that I have to work harder the older Martha gets. She is no longer content just to sit in her baby sling while I do some work or send an email or go for a walk. Now that she's "all grown up" she has opinions about what she wants to see and do and she's not afraid to express them! So instead of having a nap while I rustle up some biscuits in the kitchen or do the hoovering, Martha now makes attempts to get involved, by reaching out to put her hand in the mixing bowl or to grab a picture frame off the mantelpiece. Putting her down in her chair with her toys doesn't help much either. They keep her entertained for about 5 minutes or so, until she tires of them and wants something new. Children are most definitely hedonistic creatures!

So we have had to adapt to a new routine in the last few weeks. Martha now spends a lot of time strapped to my hip in her baby sling, but instead of just following Mummy around all day, she now listens to Mummy singing songs and explaining what activities we're engaged in. At various points during the day, the sling comes off and out come the baby books for a little story time. We've come a long way since those colicky first three months...

And it has occured to me that this is the real "trick" to motherhood...adapting. For if anything is certain (apart from death and taxes) it's that children will change as they grow. What suited one week will inevitably not suit the next. Just when you think you've cracked it, your little bundle of joy changes the goal posts and you find you're playing an entirely different game.

So I've made a promise to myself to just roll with the punches. Take each day as it comes. Getting hung up about a burned cake that couldn't be rescued from the oven in time due to a screaming baby is far more hassle than it is worth.

St. Paul's letter to Titus in the NT is a great encouragement for women who wish to dedicate their talents and lives to motherhood and family life...Titus 2 could even be regarded as the home-makers manual. We all know the admonishments...women are to love their husbands, love their children and be home-makers. But isn't it curious that in amongst what seems like quite a list of "chores", no where does it mention that we have to have perfect houses, or bake perfect cakes or remember to dust that spot on the bookshelf that always gets forgotten? It seems no provision is made for over-achievement...or any practical achievement for that matter. And it makes perfect sense really. For example, I would much rather eat a microwave meal that took 5 minutes to 'cook' with a smiling, happy, cheerful person sitting opposite me, than eat a 5 course, lavish, gourmet meal with a stony-faced, silent 'companion' . What matters to God and to our families is not how many jobs we accomplish on a given day, what matters is our manner and our attitude. A smiling face, a peaceful home and a content family is a far greater end of day result than a spotless house and a tense atmosphere.

This Scriptural 'loophole' is the assurance women today often need to hear. It tells us that it's ok to have more than 2.4 children. We won't need to hire a cleaner or a nanny if we have 6 kids. We won't need to have completed a course in home organisation and baby care if we choose not to space our children.

And it's my belief that where God leads, men usually follow(I'd like to emphasise the usually!). Most men might have some basic expectations of how they want their home to be...they might some stipulations about the meals they eat or how they like their laundry done. But what I'm willing to bet my last penny on is that the vast, vast majority of men would rather be greeted at the door by a smiling happy woman and a slightly messy house than by a spotlessly clean and ordered home and a woman who is so tired and frazzled that she can barely raise a smile, let alone a hug and a kiss.

The myth of the perfect housewife is just that. A myth. It's a popular myth granted...all over the media, we are bombarded with images of women who seem to do it all. They look amazing, they have perfect relationships, their homes are immaculate, their children well behaved. But I stand convinced of the deceit propagated by these portrayals.

True home-making has little to do with baking and sweeping and the such like. It is a state of mind. It is an attitude. It is the motivation to create a place of sanctuary for those we love. It is the intention to make a peaceful haven from the world, where peace and harmony rule.

And in that place, it doesn't matter where you have 1 baby or 14. All that matters is that you aim every day to keep the peace that God offers you.

And to top it all off...He'll even help you to do it.


"Seek peace, and pursue it".
Proverbs 34:14