Because We're All Worth It

A friend of mine who has just recently had her first baby asked me a question the other day. One that I didn't have an immediate answer for. I'm used to responding to her queries about breastfeeding, baby sleep patterns, techniques for soothing and so on. But this one caught me a bit off guard.

She wanted to know how I slot in time each day to attend to my appearance. As most new mothers can attest, finding even 10 minutes in which to have a quick shower can be a challenge. Trying to look attractive on top of that is even harder.

But her question reminded me that this is actually really important. Not only for ourselves, as women, but also for our husbands and marriages.

Certainly when Hubby first met me, I had plenty of time to make myself look presentable. I wore nice, smart, pretty clothes. I did my hair. I carefully applied my make up each day. I exercised regularly and tried to watch my weight (I'm not naturally predisposed to being slim..it takes me some effort to stay at a normal weight) I wore high heels and overall, I took care of myself.

Fast forward to now and well, things are a bit different. I have a young baby. I no longer have time to spend each day carefully grooming myself. Fancy clothes and high heels are definitely out of the question and make up is not an every day thing anymore. My body is different after childbirth. I am still trying to shift the last of my baby weight as I have had to adapt to a whole new exercise regime (I've devised my own little routine to do with Martha while she is in her baby sling. She LOVES it!). Breastfeeding has meant that my proportions are now different. I am larger in some places, more muscular in others. I have stretch-marks where previously there were none and although I wear my pre-baby clothes they don't fit quite as well as they used to.

But I've realised that I still do try to look nice. For me and for Hubby. But looking nice these days has taken on a different meaning. I will never look exactly as I did 2 years ago. And I'm alright with that. So now, I try to focus more on simply looking presentable, neat and clean.

I have a 'housewife uniform'. A series of floral or patterned skirts that I wear with plain t-shirts. I rotate these, keeping one clean 'uniform' at all times. It doesn't matter if they get dirty (which they will!) as they are not expensive, they are not 'for best' and I always have another to change into. Very handy for when the baby has thrown half her dinner over my shoulder and Hubby is due home in 10 minutes!

I prioritise the 10 minutes that it takes to jump in the shower each day and have a good wash. This might mean that Martha has to sit in her chair or in her basket with little to see or do. She might even cry a little. But I consider this is a necessary evil. Baby does always come first. But Mum shouldn't be entirely forgotten about either.

My hair is long thick and wavy. It needs a certain level of looking after or it is a mess. So each day after my shower I give it a quick brush and then put it in pigtails or a side-plait. Occasionally I wear a headscarf which works wonders for keeping it under control. This is ideal now that Martha has reached that hair-pulling stage!

In the 10 minutes before Hubby is due home, I brush my teeth again, wash my hands and face, re-do my hair if necessary, change my t-shirt is necessary and apply just a little touch of concealer and mascara if I have time. I spritz myself with some perfume or I apply some scented moisturiser.

So by the time he comes through the door at night, I am clean, neat and hopefully looking a little refreshed!

All in all, it only takes about 20 minutes throughout the day. Hardly a major imposition on my time. But it fulfils a few vital roles. Firstly, it sends a message to Hubby that although we are firmly settled into family life, I still wish for him to see me as attractive. There is a temptation for women to begin to see themselves as 'only' mothers once they have a baby. This can have a really negative impact on a marriage. The role of wife should always come first. And part of that role is making an effort with our appearance. It is a very un-PC thing to say, but I really think it is true. After all, how many women would still find their husbands just as attractive if they suddenly gained 50lbs and stopped showering every day?

And secondly, it really does make an impact on how I see myself. I may spend my days doing housework with a baby strapped to me, but that doesn't mean I have lost all sense of who I am as an individual. It doesn't mean that suddenly I don't matter any more or that my value has decreased. Taking those 20 minutes a day is a reminder that it is important that I take care of myself. And it is about a lot more than just looking pretty. Eating well, exercising and relaxing, taking the time to look presentable and attractive...those things all come under the same umbrella in my book. They are all vital ingredients of a happy, healthy life. And us mothers need to be happy and healthy. For our babies...for our families. They depend on us.

So I advised my friend to do whatever it takes to get those few precious moments during the day to spruce herself up. Her partner needs it. Her baby needs it. She needs it.