Labour Pains

I have a chronic case of hindsight-itus. I daily recount to myself lists of things I would do differently were I ever to find myself in a familiar situation.

Childbirth is right up there at the top of my list. My first and so far only pregnancy (though I can't wait for number 2!) went swimmingly well, all things considered. The morning sickness was pretty chronic but once I hit 21 weeks it was all but over and Baby and I were really very healthy indeed. No varicose veins, no serious odema, no digestive problems...none of the usual maladies that pregnant women often face.

Very early on I had looked into the possibility of a home-birth and my obstetrician had agreed that provided all continued to go well, there was no reason I shouldn't have one. But as the pregnancy progressed and reached it's final few months, I changed my mind. I wanted the assurance of doctors and nurses around me. I wanted to know that if anything did go wrong and my baby was unwell, there would be no waiting for an ambulance and we could be attended to immediately. And although it's very unfashionable to say so, I am thoroughly thankful I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital.

Labour was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Sometime in the week between my last check up with the midwife and the start of labour, Martha had shifted position and she had her back facing mine. She was a posterior baby. The subsequent backache that ensued during the labour was so extreme and so constant that I don't even remember having contractions. The pain did not subside, even for a minute. I lasted for about 14 hours before I was given an epidural, at my own request. The pain was numbed, but the exhaustion went on. My memories of what happened in the final few hours are few and far between. I remember being told to push...so I did. I remember that happening only three times. Hubby informs me that I pushed for about 90 minutes in total and that my pushing was effective. Next I remember a woman, a doctor, asking me what I wanted her to do. I told her I just wanted it to be over. Hubby has since told me that in fact, there was a team of doctors who had been called by the midwife who was concerned by my escalating blood pressure. They discussed what they should do for about 10 minutes before finally, this woman stepped in and informed the others that she was 'going to deliver this baby right now'.

Finally, I remember her standing at the foot of the bed, there was a table next to her, there were some metal instruments on it. She told me I would need to push one final time. I did. And with that Martha was born...and I walked out of the birthing room with stitches and a bruised baby.

All in all, the whole thing lasted a not unreasonable 24 hours...of which I remember probably half an hour.

And like I said, I am thoroughly glad I chose the hospital route for my first birth. The experience was grim, for sure, but I strongly doubt I would have coped at home.

But next time, I want to do things differently. I made no detailed birth plan for Martha. I had no idea what I was up against. I decided going with the flow was the best policy. I read about labour but I deliberately chose to limit my reading to the physicalities of birth. The philosophies and politics surrounding it I largely ignored. But for my next baby, I feel ready to think more about the labour experience in a philosophical way, I want to arm myself with mental and physical strategies to cope with the pain. Now I know what I'm facing, I feel I can tackle it head on and really be mentally prepared.

And so I'm starting with a book called Childbirth Without Fear which is co-authored by Michel Odent and Grantly Dick-Read. I've heard good things about it and it seems Michel Odent is something of an expert on the subject...fingers crossed it lives up to the hype! There is a whole raft of literature on this subject, this book is just one of many. I have alot of reading ahead of me and a fair bit of thinking too. And since I do not know when I might become pregnant (Hubby and I are not 'planning' or 'spacing') or indeed if I even will, this journey could be a long one.

I realise as I am reaching the end of this post that there is no 'point' to it. I usually try (try being the operative word!) to wrap up my posts with a conclusion of some sort. But for this post, I'm a bit stuck really. Perhaps this is a good thing though. Labour and childbirth aren't the sorts of experience that can be wrapped up nicely in the mind and put away until next time. At least, not for me. For better or worse, my first birth experience changed me quite radically and it will no doubt inform my views on any and all subsequent labours. And I'm nowhere even close to getting 'closure' on the subject.

So I'll end this post as I do alot, with a quotation from Someone who knows just what to say and how to say it.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness".
Isaiah 41:10